Maybe Just Flintstones Vitamins?:Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rainn Wilson have joined the cast of indie dramedy Hesher. The plot revolves around a sad 13-year-old, living with his grandmother and widowed, pill-popping father (Wilson), who is befriended by a slacker twentysomething (Levitt); previously cast Natalie Portman plays a supermarket worker whom the boy falls in love with after she saves him from a bully. Dwight Schrute popping pills?! So, so wrong. [HR]
Killer Bruce:Bruce Willis has three potential action-type projects in the pipeline: Inventory, where he would play a detective pursuing a murderer; Red, where he would play an ex-black-ops agent forced out of retirement by the threats of a high-tech assassin; and Scarpa, a mob biopic from Antoine Fuqua about FBI informant Greg Scarpa. Good to know that, at 54, Willis is still badass enough to kill people in Hollywood’s book. [HR]
Candy Houses Going Down:Tommy Wirkola, the co-writer and director of Dead Snow — a.k.a. the zombie Nazis movie — will serve up another slice of rudimentary genius: His next project will be Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. Adam McKay and Will Ferrell will produce under their Gary Sanchez Prods. title, with McKay helpfully explaining the concept: "[T]he idea is, they've grown up and they hunt witches.” Thanks Adam! Still, rad. [HR]
Fisher to B'way:Carrie Fisher’s one-woman show, Wishful Drinking — a look back at her earlier days in Hollywood — is coming to Broadway. The show premiered in 2006 and has played a series of regional non-profits but will open at Studio 54 in the fall. We’re sure it’s great and everything, but unless it involves Fisher chocking the hell out of Jabba the Hutt with her own dancing-slave chain, we’re skipping it. [Variety]
Milton Cinema: Producer Martin Poll’s vision for a cinematic rendition of Milton’s Paradise Lost — which dates back to at least 1973, when Poll had screenwriter John Collier write an adaptation — may finally actually happen. The project has partial funding from STV Networks, a digital-distribution company specializing in Bollywood flicks — and unknown leads: David Dunham and Patricia Li Bryan are cast as Adam and Eve, although no director quite yet. You can do it, Marty! Don’t ever give up, buddy! [HR]
Tell Everyone: Miramax will remake French thriller Tell No One, the modest hit from last year about a doctor grieving for his dead wife who finds out she may not be dead. Congratulations, America — yet another critically acclaimed foreign movie you will no longer have to suffer through subtitles to enjoy. [Variety]
When Elizabeth Edwards learned of the affair her husband John was conducting with filmmaker Rielle Hunter, she says she was sickened. "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up," she writes in her upcoming book, Resilience. The Daily News obtained a copy of the tome, which comes out May 12 from Broadway Books. Edwards stood by her husband publicly despite these feelings, but contrary to previously published rumors, she says she urged him to step out of the race for the presidency in 2007. "He should not have run," she wrote, thinking back to the many staffers and supporters who later felt betrayed and deceived by the revelation.
Elsewhere in the book, Edwards explains how her candidate husband originally lied to her about the depth of the affair (he originally said it was just one time), and how the "pathetic" Hunter hit on him with cheesy lines like: "You are so hot." But though Edwards says she hasn't yet fully come to terms with her husband's straying, part of the point of the book is the power of forgiveness. "I lie in bed, circles under my eyes, my sparse hair sticking in too many directions, and he looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen," she writes. "It matters."
Reuters - The judges could not save Matt Giraud again on Wednesday as "American Idol" fans eliminated the singer by casting the fewest votes for him this week based on his rendition of "My Funny Valentine."
(Reuters) Reuters - CBGB always made a powerful first impression, even before the intended country music club in a derelict section of Manhattan became a world renowned rock 'n' roll mecca. Source: Yahoo! News: Entertainment News | 30 Apr 2009 | 12:14 pm
ATLANTA, April 30 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Cox Radio, Inc. (NYSE: CXR) today announced that as a result of Cox Enterprises, Inc., through its wholly owned subsidiary Cox Media... Source: RSS feed - channel BNewsEnter | 30 Apr 2009 | 12:00 pm
At 71, two painful back surgeries have left Art Neville walking with a cane and a stiff gait. But if you put him down in front of a keyboard, his eyes light up and his fingers are as nimble as ever.
AP - Elizabeth Edwards writes in a new memoir that news of her husband's affair made her vomit in a bathroom. Source: Yahoo! News: Entertainment News | 30 Apr 2009 | 11:54 am
Elizabeth Edwards writes in a new memoir that news of her husband's affair made her vomit in a bathroom. In the book scheduled to be published May 12, Edwards says her husband, John,... Source: RSS feed - channel BNewsEnter | 30 Apr 2009 | 11:54 am
A British auction house says it is offering Darwin fans a chance to buy a first edition of the famed naturalist's groundbreaking book. Auctioneer Keys says the copy of "On the Origin of... Source: RSS feed - channel BNewsEnter | 30 Apr 2009 | 11:43 am
NEW ORLEANS, April 30 /PRNewswire/ -- After weeks of battling for Rock immortality at Total Rewards resorts across the Central Region, five bands have won the chance to go... Source: RSS feed - channel BNewsEnter | 30 Apr 2009 | 11:38 am
More than 160,000 people flocked to the tenth Coachella music festival in April, signaling the start of the annual summer music festival season worldwide.
Country singer/songwriter Vern Gosdin, known as "The Voice" for his distinctive tone and heart-wrenching way with a lyric, died Monday night in Nashville following a recent stroke. He was 74.
The judges could not save Matt Giraud again on Wednesday as "American Idol" fans eliminated the singer by casting the fewest votes for him this week based on his rendition of "My Funny Valentine."
(Reuters) Reuters - Hong Kong's top financial official will meet Walt Disney Co. management in Los Angeles later this week to discuss the stalled expansion of the struggling Hong Kong theme park. Source: Yahoo! News: Entertainment News | 30 Apr 2009 | 5:57 am
He made the most of his second chance, but Matt Giraud wasn't destined for the finish line.
The 23-year-old piano player from Kalamazoo, Mich., whom the judges saved from voter...
Hours after his release from prison and a gathering at Jessica Simpson's parents' house, a noticeably thinner Lane Garrison spoke exclusively to E! News as he arrived at the Los...
Tonight on Lost we learned we're all going to die. Aaaagh!
Technically, that's not news, we are all going to die, but tonight's pronouncements by physicist-cum-prophet Daniel...
(AP)
AP - Older man. Younger woman. Boy, have playwrights been here before.
Front Page: Roundabout Theater to present solo show -- Carrie Fisher's "Wishful Drinking" has nailed down its Broadway run, with the solo show to be presented by the Roundabout Theater Company at Studio 54 in the fall.
Hef came to me today to clear up new reports that claim—he says,...
Being Angelina Jolie's be-yotch is literally paying off! Brad Pitt filmed a commercial in Manhattan today, for Japanese cell phone company Softbank, which had him playing the part of an...
Plenty of people spend time thinking about Hugh Jackman's body, and he admits to being one of them.
The star of X-Men Origins: Wolverine put some serious thought into what his hairy...
Casey Aldridge did not appear to have been drinking before he rolled his pickup truck on a rural Louisiana road early Sunday morning. But authorities can't say whether his buddies...
Bridget Marquardt, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson—the lovely ladies best known as The Girls Next Door—team up again to do some serious reporting on the issues you care about....
Daily Intel favorite Sherri Shepherd had a real treat this week: She taped an episode of WWE Smackdown yesterday, and spent the earlier portion of the day learning some moves from her favorite wrestler, champion MVP. The footage, to be aired on The Viewand on myNetworkTV, looks pretty awesome so far. In this exclusive excerpt, Shepherd enters the WWE arena with screams and fireworks, wearing a bedazzled robe and feather boa, and sits in MVP's corner as he prepares to fight. From the looks of her training video, it doesn't look like she's going in the ring anytime soon — but one can dream.
With fear of swine flu sweeping the nation, it was hard to concentrate on anything else at the launch party for Matthew Williamson's H&M summer collection last night. So when we caught up with Sex and the City stylist Patricia Field, we asked her if she shared the same fright. "No," she told us. "We’re in America and we don’t give a shit about anything." So all of these newspaper articles are for nothing. Well, that's just great. View our Party Lines slideshow for more hot topics.
• How can Speidi be so the worst and so the best at the same time? Their Hills storyline is insufferable, the wedding was a joke and the music they create is atrocious, but look at...
A former Condé executive compares the magazine publisher to a broken-down car facility. Plus, Barry Diller's AIC loses a chunk of change, and Jann Wenner, Clear Channel, and the Baltimore Sun make cuts, but remain troubled.
• A former Condé Nast exec told Keith Kelly, “Condé Nast is operating the way General Motors did a few years ago.” Grim. [Media Ink/NYP]
• The Newspaper Guild is in talks with the Times and has “tentatively agreed … to a five percent salary cut,” effective through December 31 of this year. [NYT]
• Clear Channel is cutting nearly 600 jobs, following a round of layoffs in January that cut three times as many. [Yahoo via Mediabistro]
• Barry Diller’s IAC lost $28.4 million in the first quarter. [NYT]
• Wenner’s Men’s Journal is cutting another two issues. [Media Ink/NYP]
• Former Blender creative director Dirk Barnett has been offered the same job at Maxim under the editorship of Joe Levy, Blender’s former EIC. [FishbowlNY/Mediabistro]
• Senators John Kerry and Ted Kennedy are going to bat in an effort to save the Boston Globe. [Boston Globe]
• The Wall Street Journal is threatening to surpass USA Today’s weekday circulation. Why does Rupert Murdoch always win???? [Mediaworks/AdAge via Mediabistro]
Jim Jarmusch gave New York an exclusive look at the diary kept by Academy Award–winning production designer Eugenio Caballero (Pan’s Labyrinth) for his new film The Limits of Control. We'd highly recommend you check it out. [NYM]
Why be at odds when there's music to be made?
Back on the same page after months of legal wrangling over royalties and whatnot, 30 Seconds to Mars is once again recording for...
Going to see the new Star Trek movie in a theater next weekend? Well, then we certainly hope you didn't need your retinas for anything else ever again. Those who've seen it have complained of J.J. Abrams's egregious overuse of lens flare in the film. Now, a reporter from io9 — presumably while sopping blood from his lens-flare-ravaged eye sockets — has asked the director himself to comment, and even Abrams says he may have gone a little overboard.
Says Abrams:
"I know what you're saying with the lens flares. It was one of those things ... I know there are certain shots where even I watch and think, 'Oh that's ridiculous, that was too many' ... There is something incredibly unpredictable and gorgeous about them. It is a really fun thing. Our DP would be off camera with this incredibly powerful flashlight aiming it at the lens. It became an art because different lenses required angles, and different proximity to the lens. Sometimes, when we were outside we'd use mirrors. Certain sizes were too big ... literally, it was ridiculous. It was like another actor in the scene ... So it was this ridiculous, added level of pain in the ass, but I love ... [looking at] the final cut, [the flares] to me, were a fun additional touch that I think, while overdone, in some places, it feels like the future is that bright.
Think you'll be safe watching Star Trek next weekend? You may want to test your eyes on this YouTube clip first, perhaps while using a pinhole projector:
Front Page: Imagenation, NatGeo kick off deal with 'Back' -- Abu Dhabi's film division Imagenation and National Geographic Entertainment have kicked off the $100 million fund they established in October by making a significant equity investment in the Peter Weir-directed drama "The Way Back."
Coming Soon caught up with Steven Soderbergh, director of The Girlfriend Experience, at the Tribeca Film Festival yesterday and asked him about James Cameron's drool-worthy Avatar. Well, it turns out Soderbergh has seen some of the top-secret footage and describes it thusly: "I've seen some stuff and holy shit. It's the craziest shit ever." Um, wow. [Coming Soon]
Alexandra Kotur is the style director of Vogue. Her many job duties include "leading the advance team" for the Met ball on Monday. Under her guard, no floral arrangement shall be set up in a way that might obstruct a shot of Gisele bounding up the steps in her Dior couture dress, or a view of Diane Von Furstenberg shaking Justin Timberlake's hand. You know, any of the many disasters that could occur should the setup be minorly flawed. Judging from the Observer's profile of her, Kotur is calm, cool, and collected in every sense of the word. She eschews trends and wears the same thing to work every day — an "impeccably ironed" white blouse, no makeup, hair neatly parted and pulled back. Indeed, that she hasn't cracked yet is probably the reason she's been on staff at Vogue for thirteen years. Anna Wintour (seemingly) raves about her, hailing her "calm," "meticulous," and "precise" manner. Her ex-boss Hamish Bowles describes her as "unflappable ... an extremely serene, calming presence in an environment that is sometimes prone to more extreme emotional manifestations." Praise — at Vogue, when it rains, it pours.
Aside from making sure the flowers are just so at the ball, Kotur oversees photo shoots for Vogue, mostly portraits, including the shoot of Michelle Obama. She also edits the front-of-book section of the magazine, including André Leon Talley's column. And she is aware of the harsh criticism that Vogue is out of touch, provides no compelling reasons for us to care about socialites, especially in these times, and is therefore boring.
“I just fundamentally disagree,” Ms. Kotur said fiercely. “I think Anna is an amazing editor. Only if you work at Vogue can you understand what it’s like — how talented these women are that make up the team of Anna’s staff.”
She continued: “Look at André, Hamish, Grace, Phyllis [Posnick, executive fashion editor] — we’ve been here a long time, and I don’t think we all think about it. Then when the movie and all these articles come out, we’re like, ‘What’s all this analysis?’ We just carry on and do what we do. If someone wants to report on it, fine, but just let me do what I do.”
What's all this analysis? (And she says they're not out of touch!) Well, it might have something to do with Vogue, as one of the most widely read fashion magazines, having an undeniable impact on what's perceived as beautiful in this world. Or perhaps that its editor-in-chief is arguably the most powerful and feared person in the multi-billion-dollar fashion industry. Or that one assistant's experience working for that editor-in-chief was so miserable and ridiculous she parlayed it into a best-selling novel and major movie. Or perhaps comments like Hamish's above ("an environment that is sometimes prone to more extreme emotional manifestations"), which lead us to believe that what that assistant wrote was not inaccurate. Or that the editors seem like they don't want us to know how they run this magazine, seeing as it took Kotur a year to agree to an interview. Maybe she was worried that if she sat down to talk about what really goes on up there, in those elusive offices, she would finally crack. But alas, that wouldn't be "correct."
All this only brings us closer to confirming that the editors at Vogue are not actual people, but alien beings.
The following is a dramatic reenactment. Daily Intel was not actually at the Bank of America shareholder meeting today, but after digesting various media reports, we feel like we are qualified to write about it as if we were. We've added a few hints of color here and there, of course, to make things moderately more interesting. Oh, and we also gave it a new ending, since the real-life one is actually not that satisfying (Ken Lewis is still not fired has been only half-fired. He lost his chairman title to Walter E. Massey, but remains president and CEO.)
SOUTH CAROLINA: The air is hot. Southern. The room smells of scalded Styrofoam, doughnuts, and a distinctly metallic, human odor. Is it blood? It might be. The room is full of angry shareholders, and the beating of their hearts is causing the plasma to rush into their faces, especially those who stand up to confront chief executive Ken Lewis for the series of bad decisions that has led the bank to lose three-quarters of its value since the merger with Merrill Lynch in September.
A woman stands up. "How long will you defend the unjust and show partiality to the wicked?" she asks Ken Lewis. She is reading a Psalm, 182.
Another woman reads him a sarcastic poem about his $50 million in compensation.
“Your acquisitions are much akin to the blitzing of Baghdad," said Fred J. Martin of San Francisco, who said his trip to the meeting cost more than he'll receive in dividends this year. Because of this, his fellow shareholders kindly abstain from informing him that perhaps he has overworked his line, and the addition of "much" made it sound a little forced.
“Good sir, your system has failed, and it is time to move on,” said one man who identified himself as a representative of an Atlanta shareholder, and went on to make references to Thomas Jefferson and the consolidation of power.
Others were more blunt. Lewis "screwed the shareholders royally," someone said. "The investor is sick and tired of losing money!" said another. "You knew what was going on with Merrill Lynch! You kept it from us! You're still keeping it from us! It's a disgrace! You have violated the code of ethics!”
Deborah Snyder of Stafford, Virginia, told Lewis his facial expressions reminded her of her husband, and everyone wondered about her marriage.
And then, as the chorus of anger began to reach a crescendo, a quavering voice rang out from the crowd.
A 92-year-old shareholder said he remembered the last economic depression and knows people are suffering again. But, he told Lewis, “you don't hear me crying. In fact, I bought 20,000 more of your stock last week.”
The crowd stopped yelling and regarded the old man. The woman with the Bible stopped shaking it, and a beefy man paused to wipe the spittle from his lips. The room grew silent, and the old man continued to speak.
“When the water gets rough, do you take the man who knows the most about the problems and throw him overboard?”
Slowly, people began nodding. "He's right," someone said. The room filled with applause, Bank of America shareholders smiled for the first time since the year 2009 began, and then slowly began trickling out of the room, until all that was left was Ken Lewis and the old man.
"Thanks, Dad," Lewis said.
The old man smiled. "Do we get to go to Sizzler now?" he asked.
Front Page: Guild to vote on feature-primetime contract -- SAG will mail out its feature-primetime contract ratification ballots to members May 19, nearly a year after the contract expired.
WHAT JESUS WOULD DO: Heidi Montag wants to do Playboy. On the list of people I would like to see naked, Heidi ranks somewhere around -- hang on, let me check this real quick -- 6,776,606,098th. (WWTDD)
TRUEPAC: TMZ is waaaay behind the whole "Tupac is alive" thing. I've known since September of '96. (TMZ)
KNOWLEDGE WILL BE ROGER'S TREASURE: Robert Zemeckis says he's thinking about doing a Roger Rabbit sequel. In accordance with current Zemeckis policy, in the sequel, the humans would be motion-capture CGI'd and Roger Rabbit would be even more motion-capture CGI'd. (MTV Movies Blog)
OH INTERNET: And finally, if you haven't seen the Awkward Boners Blog yet, here it is. It's only semi-NSFW, but it is a blog devoted to awkward boners, so it's really your call, I don't know if you work at a boner factory. (Awkward Boners)
Say what you will about the supposed lack of success of Zack Snyder's Watchmen, but at least it inspired someone to help clean up the streets of Cincinnati. Armed with only a mask and a belly full of Skyline Chili, Shadow Hare earns our respect and admiration not so much for his crime-fighting abilities, but mainly for refusing to speak in a growly voice like Christian Bale. Only one question, though: How does his wang size up with Dr. Manhattan's?
Dr. Margaret Chan, the director general of the World Health Organization, just raised the "pandemic threat awareness level" to phase five (out of six), which basically means that the world is at imminent risk of a pandemic from H1N1 swine flu. This is a largely bureaucratic distinction involving funding and preparedness, so it's still not yet time for anybody to start running anywhere in hazmat suits, because seriously, that freaks us out. [Reuters]
Adrien Brody wore a white tank top, shorts, and sneakers (with lime-green laces) to the launch party for Matthew Williamson's summer collection for H&M last night.
This week People will come out with their annual "50 Most Beautiful People" list. Breast-cancer survivor Christina Applegate is on the cover, and inside, young heartthrobs like Dev Patel, Robert Pattinson, Channing Tatum, and Zac Efron fill out the rest of the list. Michelle Obama is even on the list! She's in a section called "Barack's Beauties," along with Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, Social Secretary Desirée Rogers, and — wait a minute. Tim Geithner is on the list, too! We totally forgot that he was hot! (Probably because he's always makingthatface.) Now that we think about it, this might just be the only positive press we've read about him in months. Let this be a lesson to all of you who wasted your high-school days listening to those nerds who were jealous of your popularity — when all else fails, you really can fall back on your looks.
My Life in Ruins — Nia Vardalos's follow-up to My Big Fat Greek Wedding — closes the Tribeca Film Festival this Saturday night. In the movie, Vardalos stars as Georgia, an unlucky-in-love woman working as a travel guide, showing a group of tourists (including Richard Dreyfuss and Rachel Dratch) the wonders of Greece. Fox Searchlight has furnished Vulture with this exclusive clip, in which Vardalos shares an awkward hallway encounter with Dreyfuss after he's just enjoyed a traditional Greek three-way-sex session.
"I’m really into the whole Native American thing, just in terms of like, fabric patterns and stuff," student Stacey Howard tells this week's Video Look Book. The day we caught her, she accessorized her patterned poncho with a bug necklace a friend gave her (they have the same one, she explains, so they're like friendship bug necklaces). She describes her style as "new-school hippie." But she does shower. Well, most of the time. Watch the Video Look Book to find out why she only wears one earring.
"As an actor, I think I'd never kind of reached the heights of fame that Naomi had, and so when she came into my life it was a real test on our relationship. I didn't like that she was bringing all that attention with her and I think I probably blamed her for it in the beginning." —Liev Schreiber on his jealousy of Naomi Watts! [Female First]
"I had so much fun, because I'm a lover — I'm not a fighter. But I got to fight!" —Beyoncé on fighting Ali Larter in Obsessed [MTV]
"She did it in four-inch heels." —Ali Larter on fighting Beyoncé in Obsessed [MTV]
"People think I'm lying ... We had these dreadful secondhand cars that would always die a death, or we'd go on holiday to Cornwall, come back and it would have been nicked (stolen). It's like a Joe Orton farce, my family. Honestly, it was hand-me-down shoes and 10p pocket money on a Saturday that didn't go up until I was 11." —Kate Winslet really did come from a poor family [British Marie Claire via Contact Music]
"Oh. The house party was pretty exciting. There's a trampoline in the middle, and there's girls jumping in pajamas with their butt-flaps open. It was incredible. I've never seen anything like it." —Rumer Willis on an interesting-sounding scene in the forthcoming Sorority Row [MTV]
"I went in for one episode, directed by the Russo brothers. And during the scene when I meet the family as the lawyer, I just all of a sudden saw a Danish and thought, 'Oooh!' And I took a napkin and took a Danish and put it in my briefcase. They allowed me to do that, and we were off and running, and then I was invited back for two and a half years." —Henry Winkler on how a baked good landed him a role on Arrested Development [AV Club]
"An economist is someone who knows 1,001 sexual positions but doesn't have a girlfriend," Nouriel Roubini quipped last night in his speech at Israeli charity the OR Movement's dinner to honor his work as an economist. But judging by the company kept throughout the night — we never saw him without a drink in hand, and at least two girls on his arm — this was false modesty.
"The recession has been great for me," Roubini, whose nickname of Dr. Doom belies the permanent grin on his face, told us when we caught up with him later, as a line of girls formed to be photographed next to him. "They love my beautiful mind," he confided. "I am ugly, but they're attracted to the brains. I'm a rock star among geeks, wonks, and nerds."
And like many rock stars, Roubini is notorious for his parties, which he holds in a vagina-walled downtown loft. "I have never been to any of his loft parties," bachelor Charlie Rose said when introducing the economist, "but I've met some of his 'friends,' and I'd like to." The crowd (silk and silicone for the girls, giant Rolexes for the guys) chuckled knowingly. "He knows a lot of foxes."
So, what makes his parties so great? we asked.
"Fun people and beautiful girls," Roubini said, grinning. "I look for ten girls to one guy." His friend Bill Clinton, he added, is a fan of this ratio.
But Dr. Doom's life is not all fun and games. He hasn't had a date, he said, since he became the official economist of the crash. "I spend 80 percent of my time traveling," he explained before swanning off into the crowd. "Maybe I'll find someone tonight. You never know — you have to be open."
Watching him work the room, or at least the perfume-scented sections of it, we asked Grammy-winning Israeli violinist Miri Ben-Ari, who knows Roubini well, if it was true he was really in a dating drought. She smiled knowingly.
"Don't believe everything he tells you," she said.
Chalk up another success for impeccably eyebrowed Vulture hero Ben Silverman, as NBC has decided to renew its successful Celebrity Apprentice franchise for a third season. The crew of pseudo-celebs competing to see who has the most impressive Rolodex has yet to be announced, but if we were casting the show, Mike Tyson, Shauna Sand, John Tesh, and Jim J. Bullock would all be on our short list. [AP]
MAKEUP
• Something was off with Christina Aguilera's look at the LG Rumorous Night launch party in West Hollywood yesterday. What bothers you most: her hair, brows, or lips? [Beauty Counter/Style.com]
• Just because the eighties are back doesn't mean you should start wearing clown makeup. [Guardian UK]
HAIR
• Julia Roberts has worn pink streaks in her hair since last October, because her "kids like it." But what about what WE like, Julia, hmmm? [StyleWatch/People]
• Jennifer Garner's hair at the premiere of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past left people perplexed. Some thought the half-up wavy look was amazing, while others thought it looked like a "toupee or hair yarmulke." [Daily Beauty Reporter/Allure]
FRAGRANCE
• Just to remind you of how much money Chanel has, here's a behind-the-scenes look at the massive production of the new No. 5 commercial starring Audrey Tautou. [10 Magazine]
Christopher Walken is an international treasure, meaning he can pretty much do whatever he wants and we'll still love him. Whatever he wants, including dance with tranny Travolta in Hairspray, fashioning his hair into a mullet, and be on a boat with Natalie Wood the night she went overboard. Which is why we think the man deserves his own day of Blingees.
Ahead, we've posted photos of C-Walkz and his new do. Use one provided for you or supply your own (the opportunities here are endless, people) then, head over to Blingee.com, create your masterpiece, and post the link in the comments. On Friday, we'll post our favorites. GET TO WURQ.
(Photos via The Fab Life)
Last week, a pregnant woman in Colorado Springs was chased by a brown bear near a highway, and while she was running to escape, she was hit from behind by a car. She ended up being ok, and the bear was captured and euthanized (that'll show him!), but when she appeared on the Today Show this morning to discuss what a "miracle" it is that she's still alive, the Today Show Chyron-writer was more than happy to point out how ridiculous this entire story is:
Yeah, I know you and your unborn child were almost killed, but seriously, think about it -- you were running from a bear and when you thought you lost it you got hit by a car. I'm sorry, that's just funny, it's like a real-life Roadrunner cartoon. By all means, tell us the story of how glad you are to be alive, but I'm still gonna run the "Bad News Bear" joke caption while you're talking. Source: Best Week Ever | 29 Apr 2009 | 8:15 pm
Ever since she made her Broadway debut in the 2000 revival of The Man Who Came to Dinner, Mary Catherine Garrison has proven to be an actress to watch on the New York stage. She's appeared in Assassins, Rabbit Hole, and Top Girls, but only now is she stepping into the spotlight as a leading lady. Garrison stars opposite David Hyde Pierce in Accent on Youth, which opens tonight, and she spoke with Vulture about her role as secretary turned actress-muse Linda Brown, her career slump in L.A., and her recent guest spot on 30 Rock.
This is your first time as a leading lady. Does it feel different?
Hell yes it does. It was funny because when we did the first reading and they sent me the script to read and they said, “We want you to read the role of Linda Brown,” I called my agent and said, "I think there's a mistake — I think they meant for me to read a different role in the show." Because I went to L.A. and I just had some disappointments and I just figured that kind of thing was probably not going to happen for me. And my agent called back and said, "No, no, they want you to read Linda Brown."
What attracted you to the play?
Well, first of all, I’m a fan of that period of drama. I actually really like movies and drama and fashion from the thirties — something about it’s always appealed to me. But also, we’d done the reading and I loved acting with David. And it just felt [like] a really zingy, fun, playful energy that we had between us. It’s a live thing that can change and grow and have its own life, which was thrilling.
Did you know David before?
I didn’t. I actually just met him the first day we read through the play. I’d never seen him do stage, but I’m a huge Frasier fan. Oh my God! If I’m at home and I’m awake between 12 and 1, I am watching Frasier. He’s absolutely brilliant on that show. You know that one segment, everybody knows it, the one where they open the show with just ten minutes of him doing physical comedy? You’ve got to google it. It is genius! I never get starstruck, but I was a little bit starstruck. It’s like exhaling for him. He’s unpredictable, he’s open, he’s just dreamy. [Laughs]
You wrote on your blog that this show was a good reminder of why you chose acting as a living and that you had kind of questioned that. Can you explain that?
Yeah, I’ve been acting since I was 15. I was obsessed with going to this creative-arts high school, but I didn’t have enough paintings to show them to get into that arts program. So basically the only department that was left for me to get into was the drama department. I didn’t even know what that meant. I worked on two monologues to get into the program, and I have never looked back — I’ve never done anything else — because it was so incredibly fun. And I think when something becomes your living and your way of paying bills, it sort of changes the flavor of it. And, like I said, I went to L.A., it didn’t work, and I just got sad about it and I questioned myself and I didn’t want it to be about looks. I wanted it to be about the thing that was so playful and fulfilling and fun. And I have enjoyed every single moment of working on this thing. I’m just so grateful because I forgot how much I liked acting.
In your Playbill bio, you mentioned that you love your BMW …
[Laughs] That’s my husband! I could give a shit about cars. It’s his initials. I just think it’s funny. No, I do not drive a BMW through New York City.
On a different note, you were just in an episode of 30 Rock with Elizabeth Marvel and Kerry Butler. How did that come about?
I think Kerry and Tina are friends. But I just did Top Girls with Elizabeth Marvel this time last year, so that was a funny little reunion, unexpected. Also, Tina had been to see Top Girls and she came backstage and I think she really appreciated the production — some women that play means a whole lot to — and I think she was being very generous and wanted to offer us something, which, good Lord, there’s no better show to be a part of. I’m a huge fan of the show and I’m huge fan of her. And I actually went to college with Jack McBrayer, so it’s so crazy. He wasn’t on set that day, unfortunately.
What was it like doing that scene where suddenly your true colors as a fight club come out?
Well, I wish we’d had some stunts. I would have liked to have actually done that, but I think we didn’t have time to get all that stuff together. It was really fun. I mean, those things are always so strangely technical that when you see it, I’m sure it comes off as much more free-form than it actually was. It’s like a love scene — it’s so by the numbers.
MTV isn't doing too fabulously these days. The ratings for the first three months of 2009 were down 18 percent from the previous year. The Hills is still popular, but this is Lauren Conrad's last season (Audrina is also leaving for her own reality show), so the series's fate is in jeopardy. MTV's got dancing and vapid, wealthy young women covered. But they lack a key ingredient to the success of a channel driven by a young female audience: celebrities. The real kind. Hence they're bringing to New York British style obsession Alexa Chung, a 25-year-old ex-model who is dating a member of the Arctic Monkeys. She'll host an hour-long Total Request Live–esque show starting June 15. They hope she can return MTV to its TRL glory days, when the Backstreet Boys would stop by the studio and they'd have to close the windows so 14-year-olds wouldn't maim each other in Times Square (memories!). "We just all really fell for her," said MTV's executive vice president for news and production, David Sirulnick. Executives say she can relate to celebrities and real people, which makes sense because she falls somewhere in the middle of those categories.
British people who care about fashion are obsessed with Alexa. We don't understand the fuss, because we can't watch her on TV. Also, far as we know, she's completely scandal-free, which isn't very exciting. "The show will air one hour a day," Sirulnick tells the AP. "But for the other 23 hours we want viewers to be engaged with Alexa and what is on the show." That means that when she's not on the air we can all Facebook with her all the time. But will all that make up for the absence of Lauren Conrad's teary-eyed stares? And Stephanie Pratt's inability to do anything? Eh, it can't be that hard to read cue cards and look pretty.
AP - You will be shocked shocked! to learn that in "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past," Matthew McConaughey plays an arrogant womanizer who coasts on his looks and charm but eventually realizes that love does matter after all.
Front Page: R&B diva set for Encores! musical -- R&B singer-songwriter Ashanti will topline the Encores! Summer Stars staging of "The Wiz," beginning perfs in June.
AP - Say you're immortal, and you've served in the battlefields of the Civil War and the trenches of World War I. Wouldn't you eventually want to sit out World War II and Vietnam? Yet Hugh Jackman's mutant Wolverine and his brother (Liev Schreiber) serve in all four wars during a prologue for "X-Men Origins: Wolverine."
The following inexplicable video of police officers in Denmark stopping bicyclists, hugging them, and giving them helmets doesn't make a whole-- CRAP! Sorry, sorry, totally spoiled the twist for you guys. The twist is that the cops stop the bicyclists and hug them and give them helmets.
"When I heard about all that was going down, I knew that musically Ross would rebut by making great music and come out on top," Ted Lucas tells Billboard about his beef with 50. "If he wants to get caught up in personal issues, that's fine, but I never doubted him musically and lyrically.
Japan's Gothic Lolita, a fascinatingly elaborate mix of traditional Lolita looks and Gothic punk, is featured in a new book hitting shelves next week, aptly titled Japanese Goth. Victorian-inspired clothes mixed with dark makeup, anime inspiration, lace, and hats made out of hair define the movement in terms of fashion, all of which fills the pages of the new tome. "Gothic culture in Japan doesn't mean listening to Bauhaus and wearing all black," says author Tiffany Godoy, a Tokyo-based fashion writer who co-created the book with Ivan Vartanian. "It explores core elements of Japanese culture like the supernatural, fantasy, folklore, religion, eroticism, gender, beauty, and performance, among others." And though the fashion speaks for itself, these inspirations propel the movement. "I'm trying to understand why their style is so different from anywhere else in the world," Godoy says. "There are so many elements that come into play: the island culture and mentality, isolationism, the shift of culture from pre– and post–World War II. I want to truly reflect the culture and ideas of the various scenes." Click ahead to see how the Gothic Lolita is reflected with a preview inside the book.
Bob Dylan is headed for his fifth No. 1 on the Billboard 200 albums chart next week as his "Together Through Life" looks like a shoo-in for a debut atop the list. Industry prognosticators suggest the Columbia set will sell over 100,000 copies in its first week of release.
Fashion Wire Daily - It was supposed to be all about Hugh Jackman and his "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" cohorts when they all hit the red carpet for the Hollywood premiere of that rollicking new Marvel Comics adventure flim, but when Mel Gibson showed up sans his estranged wife Robyn, naturally everyone had to pay attention.
Lady Gaga: “I am totally confident that I am an incredible artist and performer. I am extremely confident about my body, the way I dress, the way I want to look. But I have no confidence when it comes to men. Men are a disaster area for me. It’s so weird because I believe I am super sexy. I believe I am incredible, but I have absolutely no luck with boyfriends.” [Sun UK]
Last week on The Young and the Restless, we discovered that the source of catatonic Kevin’s crazy voice was none other than a half man/ half squirrel--Squirrel Man!
This week, Squirrel Man is BACK and after he helped Kevin escape from the mental hospital it seemed like these two would shape up to be a modern day Odd Couple full of fun and nutty hijinx. However, their relationship quickly took a turn for the violent, as seen in this clip:
We are keeping a close watch on this plotline as it develops. Be sure to tune in to Best Week Ever Friday night at 11pm for more coverage. Source: Best Week Ever | 29 Apr 2009 | 6:45 pm
Front Page: Film unit unable to deliver its share on four pics -- Village Roadshow Pictures was unable, because of the credit crisis, to come through with the financing for the last four films it partnered on with Warner Bros., leaving the studio to cover at least $120 million in costs.
The sun sets on the horizon at the South Street Seaport as revelers flood a glitter-flecked red carpet flanked by dozens of men and women in sailor costumes. The crowd is boarding a neon-lit boat to celebrate the launch of Matthew Williamson's H&M line. Chanel Iman wanders, sheepishly, onto the carpet.
The Cut: What are you wearing? Chanel Iman: [A beat] It’s not H&M. Cut: It’s okay, a lot of people aren’t wearing H&M. CI: No, it’s Topshop! Ahhh … I would have worn H&M if I knew I was coming here earlier! But I just sort of got out of the car. I had on pants earlier, but I just took them off.
This is a recap for The Top 5 contestants on American Idol Season 8, theme: Rat Pack. You can see the performances here. (*Internal boo for title choice this week.)
Let's kick this recap off with an apology... to, of all people, Jamie Foxx. I doubted Jamie's ability to properly mentor the five remaining American Idol contestants for this week's theme, "The Rat Pack." But, surprisingly, Jamie delivered. Not only did he (swallowing pride points) look adorable, he was also hilarious, charming, and engaging. Though the show's explanation for why he was there left a lot to be desired: "Like the Rat Pack, Jaime was able to transcend the boundaries of the entertainment industry." -- Ryan Searest. Weak, but we'll blame it on the p-p-p-p-p-p-producers.
Also, WTF is Paula wearing? Did she gets lost in the Christmas aisle at McFrugal's? On with the recap!
Kris Allen "The Way You Look Tonight": I think Jamie Foxx put it best when he said Kris was "not trying to sing the Throat Olympics." Mmm. Indeed. Ol' Krooky Jaws looked good in his suit -- a marked improvement from last week's human bindle sack -- but once again, Kris failed to impress me. The more I see him croon into the camera, the more he reminds me of this:
Best performance to date, eh Randy? How do you live with yourself, man? Listening to these judges, its like I'm watching Netherlander Idol or something -- Kris is so f**king boring, are these judges deaf and blind? Only Simon nails it, calling it a "wet" performance, much like Kris' crease-less exposatongue. RATING 3/10 ("oh, snap" - internal monologue.)
Allison Iraheta "Someone to Watch Over Me": For the first time in weeks, Allison enters the Idol arena not looking like a Russian child bride purchased on the Internyet. The hair was tames, the dress was only mildly shredded -- it's an improvement. Leave it to Jamie Foxx to still sort of hit on her. This happens to be one of my favorite songs, but this wasn't one of my favorite versions ever. For the first time, I found Allison's voice a little annoying and strained. It reminded me of my childhood summers spent in Tel Aviv, where every night as I would fall asleep, I would listen to the sound of cats getting raped in the back alleys of Israel. Allison sounded like cat rape tonight, America. Really cute cats, but feline rape nonetheless. But I like Allison, and I want her to make it through. Who knows... maybe America will fulfill my dream and vote Kara off. RATING 6/10Matt Giraud "My Funny Valentine": From the very first "My" that escaped Hatty McWarterson's lips, I said out loud, in my room, to myself: "This is the worst." Honestly, I couldn't even understand the words he was saying. "Sweet commie valentine"? Wait, let me rewind... He literally said "Sweet Commie Valentine". Mmmmmlike this?:
He was worse than a sweat-lipped Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley. He sounded like a cassette tape that sat too long in a hot car and the next thing you know, it's like, "Oh sh*t, did this tape get 'Girauded'", i.e. warped from the hot claw of the Devil? Paula Abdul clearly has prescription pills jammed into her earholes as she goes ahead and dubs the performance "pure and simple". Uhh, yeah, about as pure and simple as an orangutan peeing into his own mouth. And how in the AITCH did Simon like that? Trying to defend his save from 2 weeks ago probably. RATING 4/10Danny Gokey "Come Rain or Come Shine": Jamie Foxx @Danny - "Your breath is fresh." Well that's good to know. OMG TROMBONE MAN, LOLLLLzzzzzz. This is my American Idol, Trombone Man. I swear, it was Valentino on that horn.
Gokey in a suit is a marked improvement, though it's clear the guy uses goatee stencils. But what's this? He's kind of bringing it tonight, for f**king real. I can't believe I'm about to say this... but I'm loving the Gokester tonight. Don't go calling me a Gokaine addict just yet... but stranger things have happened. Rat Pack Gokey is a Gokey I can stand behind. "You had swag tonight" Really, Kara? He had swag? What are we talking about, like a free bottle of grey goose or a free spa weekend? Gokey AND swag? Man, this guy is really winning me over tonight. But in all honesty, I can't deny: Loved it. RATING 9/10Adam Lambert "Feeling Good": Look, "Feeling Good" might be one of my FAVORITE EFFING SONGS EVER. From Nina Simone to, yes, Michael Buble, to my favorite band of all timesies, Muse, it is a song that always delivers. OMG, do I sense some chem-chems between JJ Foxx and Adam? Dreams can be realized. My only problem with Adam tonight? His "creative" arrangement was EXACTLY like the Muse version. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen, because believe it or not, it's better than Lambert's. Really. Even with the confident stair traversing, Muse's is still better by a mile. Also, this is about as gay as I've ever seen Lambert get on stage, what with that arm splayed by his side like a little teapot. I can't really put my finger on it, but my love of Lambert and the song still did not make this my favorite performance of his. Hmm, is the Lambert star fading? Nah, he'll still win. RATING 7/10 Source: Best Week Ever | 29 Apr 2009 | 6:04 pm
Mel Gibson showed up to the Wolverine red carpet to show off his new girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva to the cameras just weeks after news of his divorce and Oksana's pregnancy rumors became public. Which, honestly, is not the worst thing he's ever done:
After the jump, plenty more pics of the Mel & Oksana debut (I love that so many papers used the term "debut," like she's an album that was just completed this weekend):
Mel explaining to Oksana Hollywood's "Once An A-Lister, Always An A-Lister" Policy:
Mel takes a second to remember which movie he's promoting, then remembers "Oh yeah, it's her":
As a follow up to her 2007 release "Volta" Bjork will return this summer on Nonesuch with a multi-media extravaganza entitled "Voltaic." Due June 23, this offering yields a conglomeration of five different physical options of live material, remixes and videos culled from the "Volta" tour.
Supermodel Tyra Banks says she feared for her safety when she learned that her accused stalker had entered the Manhattan building where she tapes her TV show Source: FOXNews.com | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:48 pm
"I'm like the loser that goes home from the studio and watches every night," the 23-year-old Colbie Caillat tells Billboard.com, but unlike millions of viewers, she's not quite on the Adam Lambert bandwagon.
...like my attempt at a Daily Mail headline? I'll continue.
Hay hay!!! Looks like a certain Lance Corporal and his faithful horse had their own personal 'derby' last night!!!
He claims it was a public demonstration to raise money for the Royal British Legion, but we'll just ignore that fact and continue with our investigative reporting...
I've heard of a shaggy dog, but how about a shaggy horse? Neighhhhooooo!!! More sexy horse porn after the jump:
Looks like the horse got a brand new saltlick -- this fellow!
"Sorry, baby, but it's time for me to horsefly! Call me!"
Picture it: It's a balmy day at the Heidelburg Zoo in Germany, as Klaus the groundskeeper went about his daily business. First things first, he must hydrate the wandering jews. They had been looking lifeless in the hot April heat, and Klaus couldn't bear the thought of having to rip them out of the ground due to carelessness. So it was with the rusty watering can his Grandfather gave him -- the same can that used to water the flowers of Otto Grotewohl in Braunschweig -- that he tended to his duties, carefully drizzling the leaves with the tenderest of droplets while his own sweat glistened down the back of his neck.
Then, from a distance, he heard it. A whistling. Tuneless, but jarring. For him? He turned his face slightly to the right, and saw it: There, standing by gibbon sanctuary, stood Bernd Kowalsy, head zookeeper and a man whose mere presence rocked every fiber in Klaus' being. The two had barely ever spoken, much less whistled at each other from a distance. But could this be happening? Klaus looked around; he was the only person in sight. He turned back to the jew garden and contemplated his next move.
Meanwhile, Bernd was in a terrible mood. One of the gibbons must've gotten into the dried cherry bin, causing it to defecate all over the entire sanctuary. It was going to take Klaus hours to get it back to Heidelburg's notoriously rigid standards. And now, to top it off, that retarded groundskeeper -- Kris? No, Klaus, Klaus -- seemed to be whistling some cacophonous melody in his direction. "What is it with that man?" Bernd wondered. "He'd almost be handsome if he showered every now and again. He smells like gorilla's perineum." At this, Bernd gave a little laugh, and glanced back, only to catch eyes with Klaus, now frozen in fear. Both wished to look away, but neither could break gaze. As the sun baked down on their tan, sinewy arms, their brows furrowed with magnetism and confusion, Klaus inhaled the thick air and was about to say his first complete sentence in months when they both heard it again. The whistling. That damned whistling.
And that's when they saw it:
Thus completing my first exercise in German Zoology Fanfic. Thanks for listening. Source: Best Week Ever | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:28 pm
This handout shows the poster for a proposed Bollywood theatre production of 'Wuthering Heights.' The classic British novel by Emily Bronte is moved from the windswept moors of Yorkshire to the searing... Source: RSS feed - channel BNImagesEnter | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:27 pm
A special tribute is to be made to French actress Fanny Ardant, seen here in 2007, at next month's Cannes film festival and she will get a special slot for her directorial debut. Source: RSS feed - channel BNImagesEnter | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:19 pm
Garrison had been sentenced in 2007 to serve three years and four months after pleading guilty to vehicular manslaughter Source: FOXNews.com | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:10 pm
This combination file image shows US actor Michael Douglas (L) and film director Oliver Stone. Stone and Douglas have signed on to direct and star in a sequel to "Wall Street," the hit 1987 film charting... Source: RSS feed - channel BNImagesEnter | 29 Apr 2009 | 4:07 pm
The first European tour of pop star Britney Spears, seen here in March 2009, in five years begins in London June 3 and ends in Helsinki July 16, organisers said Wednesday. Source: RSS feed - channel BNImagesEnter | 29 Apr 2009 | 3:51 pm
After Meg Ryan brushes off a question about whether she felt pressure as a woman in Hollywood to stay young-looking, Hines steps in Source: FOXNews.com | 29 Apr 2009 | 3:49 pm
Darling, perhaps you'd like to swing by my place in the evening -- I'm kind of doing laundry right now, so I had to wear my old college sweatsuit to go for a jog, then I came back and ended up watching the end of Fringe instead of taking a shower immediately, which was stupid, cause I should've just DVR'ed it then taken a shower and watched the whole thing afterward. You ever do that? Ridiculous, haha. Anyway, I was gonna make some pasta in a bit, and you are more than welcome to come on by if you want some, I have tons.
The trainwreck blonde bombshell recently lent her name to the launch of a strip club/steakhouse in New York, despite being a vegetarian and PETA spokeswoman. Source: FOXNews.com | 29 Apr 2009 | 2:24 pm
Star Franco-Mexican tenor Rolando Villazon, seen here in 2008, is cancelling scheduled performances until the end of year due to a cyst on his vocal chords. Source: RSS feed - channel BNImagesEnter | 29 Apr 2009 | 2:10 pm
Front Page: Results better than Wall Street expected -- Time Warner may look a lot different soon, with Wednesday's earnings report reflecting solid growth in film and cable but worsening trouble at Time Inc. and AOL.
Quint Davis drives around the fairgrounds in his golf cart. The producer/director checks every nook and cranny the way a field commander checks his troops.
Fashion Wire Daily - If any show made sense in this magnificently located city, where there seem more beaches and coves than traffic lights, it was Zimmermann on Tuesday, April 28, the hottest show so far in Rosemont Australian Fashion Week and a label whose true forte is great beachwear and bikinis.
R&B singer Maxwell premiered the video to his first single in over six years, "Pretty Wings," at Sony Music's New York offices yesterday (April 28) and announced the dates for his upcoming summer tour.
Ben Folds didn't realize how great his music was until he heard a bunch of college students singing it. He was so impressed he decided to produce an album of a cappella groups singing Ben Folds songs.
He made the most of his second chance, but Matt Giraud wasn't destined for the finish line.
The 23-year-old piano player from Kalamazoo, Mich., whom the judges saved from voter...
Hours after his release from prison and a gathering at Jessica Simpson's parents' house, a noticeably thinner Lane Garrison spoke exclusively to E! News as he arrived at the Los...
Tonight on Lost we learned we're all going to die. Aaaagh!
Technically, that's not news, we are all going to die, but tonight's pronouncements by physicist-cum-prophet Daniel...
Being Angelina Jolie's be-yotch is literally paying off! Brad Pitt filmed a commercial in Manhattan today, for Japanese cell phone company Softbank, which had him playing the part of an...
Plenty of people spend time thinking about Hugh Jackman's body, and he admits to being one of them.
The star of X-Men Origins: Wolverine put some serious thought into what his hairy...
Casey Aldridge did not appear to have been drinking before he rolled his pickup truck on a rural Louisiana road early Sunday morning. But authorities can't say whether his buddies...
Bridget Marquardt, Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson—the lovely ladies best known as The Girls Next Door—team up again to do some serious reporting on the issues you care about....
• How can Speidi be so the worst and so the best at the same time? Their Hills storyline is insufferable, the wedding was a joke and the music they create is atrocious, but look at...
Why be at odds when there's music to be made?
Back on the same page after months of legal wrangling over royalties and whatnot, 30 Seconds to Mars is once again recording for...
Last week on The Young and the Restless, we discovered that the source of catatonic Kevin’s crazy voice was none other than a half man/ half squirrel--Squirrel Man!
This week, Squirrel Man is BACK and after he helped Kevin escape from the mental hospital it seemed like these two would shape up to be a modern day Odd Couple full of fun and nutty hijinx. However, their relationship quickly took a turn for the violent, as seen in this clip:
This is a recap for The Top 5 contestants on American Idol Season 8, theme: Rat Pack. 
Best performance to date, eh Randy? How do you live with yourself, man? Listening to these judges, its like I'm watching Netherlander Idol or something -- Kris is so f**king boring, are these judges deaf and blind? Only Simon nails it, calling it a "wet" performance, much like Kris' crease-less exposatongue. RATING 3/10 ("oh, snap" - internal monologue.)
Allison Iraheta "Someone to Watch Over Me": For the first time in weeks, Allison enters the Idol arena not looking like a Russian child bride purchased on the Internyet. The hair was tames, the dress was only mildly shredded -- it's an improvement. Leave it to Jamie Foxx to still sort of hit on her. This happens 
to be one of my favorite songs, but this wasn't one of my favorite versions ever. For the first time, I found Allison's voice a little annoying and strained. It reminded me of my childhood summers spent in Tel Aviv, where every night as I would fall asleep, I would listen to the sound of cats getting raped in the back alleys of Israel. Allison sounded like cat rape tonight, America. Really cute cats, but feline rape nonetheless. But I like Allison, and I want her to make it through. Who knows... maybe America will fulfill my dream and vote Kara off. RATING 6/10
Matt Giraud "My Funny Valentine": From the very first "My" that escaped Hatty McWarterson's lips, I said out loud, in my room, to myself: "This is the worst." Honestly, I couldn't even understand the words he was saying. "Sweet commie valentine"? Wait, let me rewind... He literally said "Sweet Commie Valentine". Mmmmmlike this?:
Gokey in a suit is a marked improvement, though it's clear the guy uses goatee stencils. But what's this? He's kind of bringing it tonight, for f**king real. I can't believe I'm about to say this... but I'm loving the Gokester tonight. Don't go calling me a Gokaine addict just yet... but stranger things have happened. Rat Pack Gokey is a Gokey I can stand behind. "You had swag tonight" Really, Kara? He had swag? What are we talking about, like a free bottle of grey goose or a free spa weekend? Gokey AND swag? Man, this guy is really winning me over tonight. But in all honesty, I can't deny: Loved it. RATING 9/10
Adam Lambert "Feeling Good": Look, "Feeling Good" might be one of my FAVORITE EFFING SONGS EVER. From Nina Simone to, yes, Michael Buble, to my favorite band of all timesies, Muse, it is a song that always delivers. OMG, do I sense some chem-chems between JJ Foxx and Adam? Dreams can be realized. My only problem with Adam tonight? His "creative" arrangement was EXACTLY like the Muse version. If you haven't heard it, 
Picture it: It's a balmy day at the Heidelburg Zoo in Germany, as Klaus the groundskeeper went about his daily business. First things first, he must hydrate 
