Pleasure
Picking up Julia Roberts's brother (and his drugs) and convincing Ari to go with them to the desert is about as plausible as that very special Facts of Life episode where they go to Amsterdam, but, hey, whatever it takes to get Ari Gold high and begging Lloyd for help is fine by us. And it's probably fine by Lloyd, as his playing cell-phone Confucius (ah, racism) to his tripping boss is probably the only thing keeping him from taking the blame when Ari's wife arrives home unexpectedly to find her husband gone, his assistant dog-sitting, and 25 naked men in her pool.

An addled and sentimental Vince has an epiphany: getting a part in Smoke Jumpers is important to him because E found the script and said it was good — and because he wants people to know that it's Eric who makes Vince good. Awww! But when Turtle's Rottweiler chases Ari back to the boys, Vince interprets it as a sign: Take Benji. As they head back to L.A. in Roberts's Winnebago, they pass the charred remains of a convertible they saw on the way out. Luckily, the hot chicks who were in the car, and their expensive breasts, seem to be fine. Even luckier, Vince is still high: He sees his own face when one of the firefighters turns around and recognizes that as the real sign: Ari is just going to have to find a way to get him Smoke Jumpers.

Old Globe Will Reach Out to Students with New Hip-Hop Musical 'Kingdom' in 2009 (Playbill)

Abdy leaves Paramount for Stuber

An intimate, richer second season for Wheeldon (AP)

AP - A feeling of intimacy settled over New York's City Center as choreographer Christopher Wheeldon presented the second season of his fledgling venture, "Morphoses/The Wheeldon Company," over five days last week.

Confirmed: Weird Al to Have His Way With T.I.

Via his MySpace blog, pop auteur Weird Al Yankovic has confirmed that his new single — out tomorrow on iTunes — will be a parody of T.I.'s "Whatever You Like." For the first time in Yankovic history, his version will have the same title as the original track, though he promises "I DID change the lyrics. Somewhat." GET EXCITED! [MySpace]

Everyone in Park Slope Is Fat and Revolting

So, okay. City Room had this post yesterday about how the Prospect Park YMCA has started a new stroller valet service and — we know: gag. And yet we're not feeling as barfy as we normally would about this news, partly because (a) it occurred to us that the guy running it could be an out-of-work Lehman employee and therefore good for him, and (b) there seems to be a whole special layer to the post which makes it clear that author Tina Kelley finds everyone in Park Slope obese and disgusting. At first it is subtle; She tells us that the parents who use the service are "overburdened" (read: fat), then she tells us that said fatties really like the stroller valet because then they don't have to perform the onerous task of folding the strollers. (Probably because they sweat and are obese.) Think we are reading too much into it? Well, what about this passage?

Erica Schohn was trying to fit her daughter, Silvia, into a Maclaren, which appeared to be the brand of choice. But Silvia would not bend, throwing back her whale-spout ponytail and arching her body.

Heroes Redux: This Is Not a Drill, This Is the Future (E! Online)

E! Online - The latest installment of Heroes, "I Am Become Death," didn't just have an impact, it had a blast crater!

Artist Joshua Lutz Visits History’s Most Exhilarating Ren Faire

Joshua Lutz's ever-so-slightly-askew photographs at ClampArt through October 18 document ten years in the meadowlands, the marshy wilderness between NYC and New Jersey. Whether on her way to a beauty pageant or a Ren faire, this young Jersey gal looks like what she really wants to be doing is playing chess in Washington Square Park.

Broderick to star in 'Philanthropist'

'Clone Wars' pulls in record ratings

‘Mad Men’: Endgame

Last week, fifties manhood never looked more impotent, pathetic, or cruel, as Don and Roger flailed and drank and smoked — while Betty, Joan, and Peggy all gasped for air. This week, the show goes even darker.

The Pitch
Mum and Dad, they fuck you up.

The Campaign
All season Mad Men has been destroying idols, and with just four episodes left, the pace is quickening. This week, against another backdrop of war heroes, astronauts, comic-book superheroes, and more aspirational fantasies, the cast — who all look like picture-perfect, advertising-ready models — are revealed to be more petty and damaged with every passing minute, clinging to childhood fantasies. No wonder everyone’s so angry to find that their once-idealized fathers and mothers are just as lost. As Pete says of his mother, “Get a rope.”

Trudy nearly convinces Pete to adopt, then Pete’s uptight mother threatens to disinherit him from a family fortune that has already been squandered on his dad’s illegitimate second family. Mr. Nice and Normal Harry Crane has an office baby shower that only reminds us of his past affair and the fact that Peggy probably birthed Pete’s child. (Peggy serves him cake; he leers.) The plot accelerates toward the season finale: Jane and Roger’s affair seems to have deepened, since they give Harry a Tiffany gift together. Plus, Paul Kinsey is arm-twisted into becoming a history-changing Mississippi freedom rider, after lying to his girlfriend (but, hey, at least he seems to be engaging directly with her and the world outside Madison Avenue).

But this episode belongs to Betty, who finds out that her patrician father has had a stroke — and that his mind is scrambled. Don makes the trip to the family home just in time to hear Pops rant about him: “He has no people, you can’t trust a person like that.” Don tells Betty to eat something, and she cuts him down to size: “Stop it, Don, nobody’s looking.” She spends the day mourning for her Camelot, wondering where the old ottoman went, and complaining that her father’s new wife “talks about under things.” At night, though, there’s a strange, almost dreamlike bit of romance between Don and Betty that is either the first sign of rapprochement or just one last tumble. Meanwhile, Betty's mush-minded father gives her a compliment and grabs her breast. Which is weird. She leaves the room for a half a minute and then returns, composed, to ask Daddy if he’d like to finish that puzzle. She’s proving her strength to herself all the time now.

After ditching Don, Betty returns home to find Glenn, that creepy little Eddie Munster, sitting in her playhouse. Betty brings him inside and seems to enjoy watching TV with him, like Daddy’s little princess all over again. “I came to rescue you,” says the kid, no more absurd than Don or Pete or Roger. But Betty toughens up again and finally kicks him out. Later, Glenn’s mother, sympathizing with Betty over their wayward husbands (Dan and Don), tells her, “The hardest part was realizing you were in charge.” But Betty’s line, just before that, might be the show’s saddest yet: “Sometimes I feel like I’ll float away,” she says, “if Don isn’t holding me down.”

The Early Results
The episode’s last image is Don on that airplane bound for California, face bathed in sunlight, prepping a California arc for the season’s last three episodes. This episode’s a season-end workhorse — setting up plot turns for Pete, Harry, Paul, Don, and Betty — but Betty, again, steals the show. Other characters, like Roger, have obvious tragedies looming before them, but Betty’s is up in the air — somewhere between Idlewild and Hollywood.

Miu Miu: Mosaic Mood, Marvelous Mode (Fashion Wire Daily)

Fashion Wire Daily - The very term intellectual fashion conjures up images of dark, lumpy and staid clothes, which is the exact opposite to what we got at the tour de force Miu Miu collection for spring 2009 Sunday in Paris. This was intellectual fashion of the highest order, yet the result was an exhilarating display of style, graphic punch and aesthetic panache.

Sarah Palin Wants to Spoof Tina Fey on ‘SNL’

After three weeks of Tina Fey's fantastic ratings on Saturday Night Live, Sarah Palin has reportedly decided to cash in. Apparently there's been brainstorming on the idea that the Alaska governor could appear on NBC (as early as Thursday, when the comedy show will debut a mid-week "Weekend Update" segment during prime time, or two weekends from now during the next live broadcast) making fun of Fey herself. The idea, apparently, is to spoof the 30 Rock writer's American Express ads. We can't wait to see whether this will happen — like many candidates before her, Hillary Clinton made a good-natured appearance earlier this year to deflate Amy Poehler's characterization of her, but it sort of seemed like that was because Poehler liked Clinton. McCain is a friend of SNL, but it seems to us that the show's writers hate Sarah Palin. Thoughts? [Chicago Sun-Times]

Leonardo DiCaprio: Master Impressionist?

In Body of Lies, Russell Crowe is alone in most of his scenes, so at the premiere on Sunday his castmates were unable regale us with tales of phone-throwing temper tantrums. However, we did get delicious insight into the notoriously private Leonardo DiCaprio’s off-screen antics. While everyone involved in the movie swore that DiCaprio didn’t preach about environmental issues ("He doesn’t proselytize about anything, but he was very happy when I bought a hybrid. Put it that way," said screenwriter William Monahan), it seems Titanic's Jack Dawson is a talented mimic. Monahan loved his Nicholson impression best but said that DiCaprio does everybody equally well. Michael Gaston remembers DiCaprio’s imitation of director Ridley Scott. French actor Mehdi Nebbou burst out laughing at the thought of — wait for it — DiCaprio’s impression of Nicole Kidman, which he describes as both a physical and vocal impersonation. Oscar Isaac says DiCaprio does a “great, great” Denzel Washington. "I don’t want to get him in trouble, but it was very funny. I’m sure Denzel would love it," Isaac said, laughing. "It really makes him a badass."

Ridley Scott’s favorite DiCaprio impression? “He took the piss out of me regularly with a very good impersonation of me,” the director told us. Scott says his longtime collaborator Russell Crowe also mimics him. "I'm getting very fed up with it,” Scott said. "I'm actually trying to change my Durham accent, to say you got that wrong, it's not funny," the Brit added.

When Leo himself finally arrived at the red carpet, he told us he considers Jack Nicholson to be his specialty. But, sadly, his publicist dragged him away when we asked to see his Nicole Kidman. "I can’t right now. I've got work to do," he told us.

Indian-born conductor Zubin Mehta

Actual Sarah Palin to Possibly Appear on ‘SNL’

Sarah Palin may pop up on SNL to strike back at Tina Fey, according to the Chicago Sun-Times' Bill Zwecker. A spoof of Fey's American Express ads is apparently being discussed, possibly for the next live SNL on October 18 or for this Thursday's SNL's Weekend Update special. And while it would certainly continue the show's recent winning streak, Palin and Fey-as-Palin together on the same stage may very well create a time paradox the results of which could cause a chain of reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe. So be warned, we guess. [Chicago Sun-Times]

Dubai firm plans 'Amazulu World' in South Africa

The Self-Obsessed, Emotionally Detached Hedge-Funder

Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Self-Obsessed, Emotionally Detached Hedge-Funder: 25, male, Brooklyn, heterosexual, single, comfortablysmug.

DAY ONE
4:30 a.m.: I got barely any sleep last night. After being on Ambien for four months, I think it’s lost its effect. Like many single guys, I make it a point to run every morning and stay in shape, mostly to attract women.
5 a.m.: During run, I think about how I haven't been in a committed relationship for a year and a half now, since I broke up with the Only One That Mattered, the only girl I ever loved. The breakup was especially bitter — I still refuse to answer calls or e-mails from her and have become extremely pessimistic about relationships working. I've pretty much convinced myself that I am capable of living the rest of my life without a significant other, starting a family, or ever letting someone that close to me again.

9:30 a.m.: I've gotten back to dirty phone-texting with one of my exes in Austin. She broke up with a boyfriend recently, which means she's back to talking dirty to me. After a few minutes I excuse myself from my desk to the bathroom where we have phone sex. After I come, I realize its not even 8 a.m. yet in Texas …
7:30 p.m.: Thank God it's Friday. I work hours that will kill me ten years before my time. I predict the usual program of going home, taking a shower and not eating dinner. I don't eat on nights I go out drinking to minimize calories. Plus I get drunk faster, always a goal to strive for.
4 a.m.: I'm chatting up an attractive blonde lesbian at an LES bar, explaining to her how much I hate children. She completely agrees and I begin overtly flirting with her while her girlfriend sits a few tables away. I get her number, and say I'll call her to meet up when her girlfriend is at work.

DAY TWO
11 a.m.: I'm completely worthless — I can't find the napkin with the lesbian's number on it. Plus I ended up getting dragged to some diner when I was drunk. I'm going to have to take more Adderall to curb my appetite so I don't eat today to make up for it.
3 p.m.: I'm on the Facebook profile of the Only One That Mattered, my most pathetic habit. I've been prescribed Wellbutrin pretty much since we broke up. I hate days when my thoughts turn to her — it hurts but fits in with my many masochistic tendencies.
11 p.m.: Went to some local art-space exhibit in Bushwick of some artist my friend is sleeping with. Anyone who doesn't shave and can't hold down a salaried position seems to call themselves an artist in Bushwick.
1 a.m.: Home early because I didn't even feel like trying to enjoy myself. I masturbate thinking back to a particular sexual encounter with the Only One and go to sleep.

DAY THREE
10:30 a.m.: Pastis, brunch. My best friend's girlfriend has brought her co-worker who I’ve met before. When she leaves to go to the restroom, I’m informed that the co-worker has a crush on me. I already know this and plan to continue ignoring the friend to make her want me more.
4 p.m.: Back AGAIN on Facebook looking at the Only One’s profile. Her new boyfriend has put up new pictures of them. I can feel my face get hot, even though I know she's been seeing him. I'm better looking than him, have more friends, and know I make far more money … he's a freaking graduate student in philosophy. I will never understand or stop wanting her.
10 p.m.: I'm back from the gym and strangely horny. I pick up the phone and dial up an orgasm from my Austin ex before I shower and go to sleep. She's so clutch and I always treated her like shit.

DAY FOUR
1:30 p.m.: Lunch with some guys from work. I hate spending time with co-workers beyond the 60 hours a week I already see them. Each complains about the nuances of their respective girlfriends. I realize I am the only one that isn't in a relationship, and for some reason it makes me feel inferior to them. I go to the bathroom and take a Xanax.
7 p.m.: Receive a text from someone not in my contact list saying we should meet up for sangria at the Mexican place I was telling her about. Using context clues, I figure it must be the co-worker of my friend's co-worker. I wonder how she got my number and if she realizes how obvious she seems trying to get up with me just a day after I'd seen her at brunch. I wonder if she wants me so much that I could sleep with her tonight.
10:30 p.m.: After two pitchers of sangria, I'm pretty sure I can sleep with her.
2 a.m.: In a cab on my way back home from having sex with her. It was pretty decent sex. First-time sex with new girls is very exciting for me because I want to know if I can fuck them in the first place, and get immense validation once I do. She seemed surprised when I got up to leave instead of spending the night. People new to the city can be so funny. Irritated by the prospect of not being able to get more than a few hours of sleep.

DAY FIVE
8 a.m.: Working on two hours of sleep always sucks. Taking more Adderall than usual keeps me awake, but I still feel like crap. It's going to be a long day. I barely think about getting laid the night before. As has become the norm, I feel nothing and am barely interested with a girl once I have sex with her.
1 p.m.: I get an e-mail from a friend who just lost his investment-bank job in a round of cutbacks. Guess my workday doesn't suck that bad after all. I thought they only cut people on Fridays to avoid confrontation?
4:30 p.m.: I disappear from work early as I do every other Tuesday to get home in time for my 5 p.m. teleconference with my psychiatrist. I tell him how I'm not taking this girl seriously and how I've become cynical about relationships. He tells me I'm using my cynicism as a defense mechanism to cope with anxiety brought on by opening myself up to other people. He goes on to say that I need to find a better way to transition and build up trust in relationships. This is why I pay him the big bucks, plus he's loose with the prescriptions.
9 p.m.: My mother’s calling. I consider screening, but a tinge of guilt forces me to answer. It wasn't worth it. My dad had always been an unloving asshole, and throughout my childhood I felt that she tried to make up for that by smothering me. An attempt to make me a sensitive and caring man, I guess. It didn't work.
10:30 p.m.: Answering e-mails and finishing up some work to hit the ground running in the morning. Afterwards, I jerk off in the shower thinking about one of the last times I had sex with the Only One. I come to the realization that I only like doing missionary with someone I'm really into.

DAY SIX
11 a.m.: I get a text from sangria girl wanting to meet up for lunch. I interpret her signaling interest as being weak and clingy. I shoot down the plan with the excuse that I'm very, very busy. Sometimes it really irritates me when other people want to spend time with me. I have so little of it and despise the thought of feeling like I owe any of my time or self to anyone else but me.
1 p.m.: I'm enjoying a cup of gazpacho at Hale & Hearty when I get another text from her asking me what I'm doing and if I really am that busy. I think the concern stems from her hearing that I’m an asshole from my friend’s girlfriend. She texts that she's just bored in her office. Perhaps flush with relief by not getting called out, I decide to try and have sex with her again.
9 p.m.: At sangria girl's apartment, on her couch getting a fantastic blow job. I press my luck and decide to get really aggressive — passive blow jobs bore me. My suspicion she has low self-esteem is confirmed once I'm basically fucking her face, which segues beautifully into rough sex. I'm satisfied by the thought this will probably leave her with bruises. Submissive girls have a short but enjoyable shelf life when it comes to maintaining my interest.

DAY SEVEN
11 a.m.: I get a call from her again while I'm at work. This is not good. Though it makes me feel great when I know someone wants me, because I'll never let them have what they want. I don't answer and continue wasting my youth staring at charts and PowerPoint slides.
2 p.m.: My best friend texts me asking if I'll meet up for dinner with his girlfriend and the co-worker. Unbelievable. She clearly has gone through other channels to try and set this up. This is why men think women are crazy. I lie and say I'm under a tight deadline.
5:30 p.m.: I'm admiring the gorgeous long legs of one of our vice-presidents. She's in her late thirties and still has an incredible body. I doubt she's had kids to look that good and be so high up the ladder. I wonder if she's really that hot, or just office hot.
9:30 p.m.: I'm alone in my apartment looking at new pictures someone else has put up of me on Facebook. Skipping meals and working out has done me well — I look fantastic. I drift over to my ex's profile. Ugh, I'm such a sad bastard.

Totals: two acts of intercourse, one rough; one act of fellatio; two acts of phone sex with poorly treated ex; one collected phone number from lesbian; two acts of masturbation, both while fantasizing about ex-girlfriend.

Mandalay books rights to 'Ramayan'

Music Review: Michelle Williams goes disco on CD (AP)

AP - Michelle Williams "Unexpected" (Columbia Records)

Colbert likes being a jerk

Hollywood's hottest awkward teen

Real-Estate Mogul Busted for Cocaine, Oxycontin

Real-estate investor Eric Hader, once one of Crain's "40 Under 40," is due in court today after cops found "100 grams of cocaine, more than 700 Oxycontin pills and several hundred tabs of Xanax" in his car. Hader, whose family-owned real-estate firm is said to hold over $3 billion in property, was pulled over in Yonkers for driving erratically and then busted trying to shove bags of the drugs into his glove compartment. [NYDN]

Author rips into political 'Wrecking Crew'

Louis Vuitton: Tinsel Trollops (Fashion Wire Daily)

Fashion Wire Daily - Leave it to Marc Jacobs to inject the right dose of energy, sexual explicitness and edgy fashion that Paris fashion season desperately needed this season in his spring 2009 collection for Louis Vuitton.

Music Review: Bob Dylan's leftovers make a meal (AP)

AP - Bob Dylan, "Tell Tale Signs: The Bootleg Series, Vol. 8" (Columbia)

Male Bonding: Leo, Russell and Ridley at the "Body of Lies" Premiere (Fashion Wire Daily)

Fashion Wire Daily - The boys from "Body of Lies" met up on Sunday night in New York to premiere their new action flick, and the three seemed to have been dressed by the same stylist.

'SNL' brings back Fey as Palin

Report: Eddie Van Halen Engaged to Publicist

'Idol' Finalist LaKisha Jones Marries

Wall Street takes another tumble

Madonna: 'Sarah Palin Is Not in My Show!'

Box Office Goes to the Dog

Knightley wants to take off corset

Dead athlete's relatives star in Ice Cube video

Deal Sheet: Heidi Heads Up Victoria's Secret Patrol (E! Online)

E! Online - • Heidi Klum's latest runway project involves some seriously scantily clad catwalkers: The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show features the likes of Klum, Alessandra Ambrosia, Selita Ebanks, Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr "in this holiday infused lingerie runway show" taking place at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach and airing Dec. 3. Bells won't be the only thing jingling.