Mike, Mad Dog.Photo: Getty Images

Idol Wild: Archuleta "Crushes" Cook on Charts [E! via Rolling Stone]
Earlier: David Archuleta’s First Single Premieres! Is David Cook’s Album in Trouble?

Anticipation mounts over Obama V.P.

Jared Paul Stern’s Dirty Laundry Not Limited to Skull & Bones Overstock

Snoodles, with Jared Paul Stern.Photo: Patrick McMullan

The problem with that is, there's photo evidence of the affair, and Jossip has seen it. Which isn't a legal issue or anything, but gross. We bet Jossip was just trying to get out of the office for the weekend when all of this fell into their laps. If there's anything worse than having to deal with obscure news developments on an August Friday, it's having to look at sex pictures of people who aren't celebrities.

The Sordid Scandal Behind Jared Paul Stern, His Wife Snoodles, and the Business Partner She Screwed [Jossip]
Earlier: Judge to Jared Paul Stern: ‘Also? You’re Kind of a Bad Writer.’
Update: Jossip has uploaded the sex photos in question, and they are incredibly gross, as predicted. Like, after clicking through, you're going to need to use some Bear Paw Hand Cleanser. On your soul.

Photographer Lia Halloran Captures Skaters Hitting Warp Speed

Lia Halloran’s Griffith Park (2008)Courtesy of DCKT Contemporary

J.J. Abrams would do well to take a look at Lia Halloran’s spooky photographs of late-night skate parks, all of them seemingly possessed of skaters past. Those among us who have (sexist presumptions ahead!) spent hours sitting on the sidelines watching the boys skate up and down and up and whoosh, there they go, down again, can be glad Halloran's made something lovely out of the experience. See more at DCKT Contemporary through September 13.

Pink and Carey Hart: Giving Divorce a Good Name?

Video: Tyra Banks Reminisces About Teen Modeling With Kimora Lee Simmons

You know what they say: Behind every great woman is Tyra Banks. Kimora Lee Simmons is no exception. In this video clip from E! News, "T" explains that when she and "K" were 18 and 17, respectively, and modeling in Milan, she was K's greatest mentor. "She didn't have rhythm … I'd teach her how to roll her hips sexy," T says. K was clueless when it came to modeling, too. "I taught her how to, like, model different poses, how to model sexy, how to smile with her eyes," T continues. And oh, and they were so silly when they dined together. "She would eat kind of slow — and I'm greedy — so she would eat and put her folk and knife down and I'd think, Okay she's done. And while we're talking I'd finish her food and she'd look down and she's like, 'I'm not finished yet!' and I'm like, 'You're too slow — I ate it!'" We bet Kimora loves it when Tyra talks about this stuff.

Tyra Schools Kimora [Hulu]

‘Man in the Dark’: Paul Auster Imagines a Life Without 9/11

This counterfactual novel, in which Bush versus Gore led to civil war and September 11 never happened, isn't a gimmicky departure for Paul Auster, but a characteristically Austerian dream vision that allows a man in deep, private mourning to come to terms with the shocks of his own life. Auster's most fully realized work in years incorporates national politics into his fictional world much the same way Philip Roth set his own obsessions against the backdrop of Clinton's impeachment in The Human Stain.

Winona Ryder Is Dating Tom Green?!?

WiNOna!Photo: Getty Images

Bensonhurst: After all these years in New York, how could we not have known there's an amusement park here called Adventurer's (formerly Nellie Bly) with a gay-rainbow-flag megaslide? We know what we're doing this weekend. (Not going here, ha-ha!) [Pistols and Popcorn]

Hunts Point: The South Bronx hood gets dissed by a blogger hating on Winona Ryder and her new boyfriend, Tom Green: "Like, if her old boyfriends were mostly prime New York real estate, Tom Green is a basement in the Hunts Point section of the Bronx." Winona, you need to fiercely team with SoBro queen Majora Carter and remove this blogger's hand with a samurai sword. [Popserious via Curbed]

East Village: Rob Speyer, head of the company that bought Stuyvesant Town, said "Thank you" when he toured the grounds and was told by dwellers he was doing "a horrible job." It's in this new Stuy Town watchdog blog! [Stuy Town Report]

West Village: From a story on the fashions of Christopher Street's transgender crowd: "One transgender woman, in a turquoise dress so short that her behind was exposed, let no chafing interrupt her freak dance later that night. She grinded between the outstretched legs of a man...He stared at her soft, round butt twisting under the steady yellow streetlight." Villager, we like your new soft-core copy — give us more! [Villager]

Parkway Village: Gee, is it really true that JPMorgan Chase won't let the 675 families of this Queens co-op refinance their mortgage so they can afford a new heating system before it gets cold? You'd think that the megabank would want to pay it forward after being bailed out itself by the Feds. Well, all the contact info for the bank guy is here if you want to complain. [Queens Crap]

Harlem: The family of late homeboy turned Broadway composer Richard Rodgers gave $1 million to restore the bandstand in Marcus Garvey Park. Then Reverend Calvin Butts and Sylvia Woods (of soul-food fame) got up on the bandstand and sang an R&B Sound of Music medley to show the community's thanks. Well, some of that didn't happen. [Gothamist]

Ed McMahon sells home

Phillips de Pury Gon’ Get Crunk With Giant Bling Auction

He's right — crunk ain't dead. It's just taken up temporary residency at Phillips de Pury.Photo: Getty Images

One of the most outrageous artifacts in the sale doubles as a defiant missive to hip hop critics proclaiming the demise of "Crunk", a catchy southern style of hip hop. With a pendant standing 7.5 inches tall and 6 inches wide, Lil' Jon's Diamond and Fancy Yellow Diamond and gold "Crunk Ain't Dead" Pendant and Necklace created by Jason of Beverly Hills is fittingly documented by the Guinness Book of World Records as the World's "Largest Diamond Pendant."

Emphasis theirs. 'Tis kind of them to define "Crunk" for potential bidders. And God bless them for resurrecting "bling bling." The stand-alone "bling" always leaves so much to be desired.

Hip Hop's Crown Jewels [Phillips de Pury via Sassybella]

Fire Up Your Silk Screen: Mickey Mouse Might Be in the Public Domain

The title card that started this whole thing.Copyright Disney Enterprises.
OR IS IT?!?!?!?!?!?

But now legal scholars — acting on a discovery by a disgruntled ex-Disney archivist — are arguing that the copyright on the first Mickey Mouse cartoon, Steamboat Willie, might be null and void owing to sloppiness in that film's title card.

Disney, of course, doesn't think this is nearly as hilarious as we do, denying repeatedly that there's any uncertainty about Mickey's copyright — and even threatening one curious law student with a slander suit if he published his research. All in all, it's a pretty damning case that Mickey — or at least 1939 Mickey with his ugly, ratlike face — is free and clear. Who's ready to see Mickey Mouse T-shirts in porny American Apparel ads?

Disney's rights to young Mickey Mouse may be wrong [LAT via Defamer]

Economy down, Hollywood up

‘The History of Forgetting’ Locates L.A.’s Heart of Darkness

Walking the line between fact and fiction, this book can’t be called a straight-up history (despite what Verso says). But it is a serious sociological study of the city and its mythomaniac pathologies. Norman M. Klein’s method, which at one point involves imagining Walter Benjamin in L.A., raises what could have been a much drier tome into the rarefied realm of those books that weave together — in this case, with a brilliant sense of invention — the lyrical and the essayistic.

IL Marriott Will Welcome 'Spelling Bee, Piazza, My Fair Lady' and More in 2009 (Playbill)

Ass Bra Is Sure to Resolve Lingering Body Issues

The ass bra. Sexy!Photo: lovemybubbles.com

Maximum Push-up Control Thong Brief [Bubbles Bodywear via Slaves to Fashion/Glamour]
Related: Give Your Butt the Extra Padding It Probably Doesn't Need

We Can’t Wait for ‘FBI Art Squad,’ the Movie

Photo: FBI

From the Art World to the Underworld [WSJ]

Paterson: A Third Bloomberg Term Is ‘a Great Idea’

"Sure, read your speech from the card. Pussy."Photo: Getty Images

Anybody spoiling for a political fight between the governor and mayor must have fretted a bit this morning when David Paterson effectively endorsed Mike Bloomberg's not-officially-happening bid for a third term. Announcing the appointment of two evidently competent and sane professionals to run the state's economic development authority, Paterson began to extol Bloomberg's economic record for the city. Then he said: "If the mayor wants to run for a third term, I think it's a great idea." This could signal a slight distancing on Paterson's part from the Harlem political machine that presumably supports Billy Thompson for mayor in 2010 (though Paterson did give Thompson a shout-out for his handling of city investments). Plus, after reports that he and Bloomberg have beef, it's a sign that Paterson still wants to be allies with the powerful mayor and his economically stable domain.

Cops: Samurai Guy’s Wife ‘Kind of Shocked’ to Hear of His Plan

Photo: Daily News

"Was she surprised to hear that he was planning on eliminating her and having her hands cut off?" he chortled. "Or not both hands. Her left hand. YEAH, she was surprised. She was very surprised. Kind of shocked, even."

Someone in the background chimed in in a high-pitched voice: "I knew he hated me, but I didn't think he'd chop me up."

(Uproarious laughter)

Whatever! So we're not real crime reporters. But dude carried a sword around. You'd think that would be a hint that something was awry.

Earlier: Brooklyn Man Hires Hit Man to Cut Off Wife’s Hand With Samurai Sword

He's been Indiana Jones AND James Bond

Broadway season: Feast and famine

My Morning Jacket’s Jim James Explains His Kermit-Like Singing Voice

Photo: Getty Images

"It's not the kids — it's not the 'gaggle of girls,' it's the 'gaggle of parents.' The parents are the ones who want the pictures. The girls are too shy so it's really sweet. I love to wave at them and stuff. It's really funny. The parents are the most excited. The kids are like: 'Mom, let's go,' and she's like: 'No, we're taking a picture, it's really exciting for everyone in your class.'" — Zac Efron on the cougars who love him [WENN via Starpulse]

"I wanted to take it to another level and do something different and touch some of those people who like me when I do that rock-edge flavor. I got a whole crew of people out there who heard me on the Howard Stern [Private Parts] soundtrack with the [Red Hot] Chili Peppers playing behind me." — LL Cool J on working with Richie Sambora [MTV]

"Some things should not be explained, not talked about, just left. It's such an important thing for children, and I see too much of their expressions. There's too much shock when they meet the real people playing these parts, because they've got something living inside their heads." —Alan Rickman will make you feel really bad about asking him to talk about Harry Potter movies [Movies Blog/MTV]

"I hope I'm able to walk if they make a third film. Guillermo is supposed to be going off now until the year 2013 to do The Hobbit and if you do the math and you know how old I am, it's a real concern as to whether I'm going to have to do the whole thing from a chair or even an iron lung." —Ron Perlman on reprising Hellboy [PR-FemaleFirst]

Crocs Go High Fashion in Paris ‘Vogue’?

Ahhhhhhhh!Photo: Ryan McGinley for French Vogue, Courtesy of Gold Digger

Photo: Ryan McGinley for French Vogue, Courtesy of Gold Digger

Photo: Ryan McGinley for French Vogue, Courtesy of Gold Digger

Photo: Ryan McGinley for French Vogue, Courtesy of Gold Digger

gold digger exclusive: french vogue september 2008 [Gold Digger via Fashionologie]

‘People’ Gets the Last Giggle Over Brangelina Baby Pics

FINANCE
• Score one for Lehman Brothers! The bank just poached veteran banking executive Julian Cheong from Goldman Sachs. Cheong will be the co-head of Lehman's financial institutions group in Asia. Meanwhile, the head of Lehman Brothers' mortgage unit, Ted Janulis, is leaving the firm. He's retiring. [WSJ, NYT]
• Plus, Merrill Lynch snapped up Citigroup's lead mortgage trader, Jim De Mar, and former Bear Stearns warhorse Mike Nierenberg is also expected to join Merrill. [DealBreaker]
• Warren Buffett and Blackstone co-founder Pete Peterson call on the U.S. to deal with its debt load. [DealBook/NYT]

REAL ESTATE
• Federal investigators issued a 915-page report that concluded that fires in the 47-story office tower at 7 World Trade Center are what caused the building to crumble on 9/11, not explosives. [NYT]
• The New York City Housing Authority delayed an elevator overhaul at 24 public-housing projects last year because of cuts in federal aid. One of the projects included the Brooklyn elevator where a 5-year-old boy died this week when he fell ten stories down an elevator shaft. [NYT]
• Ever wondered what the Brooklyn Navy Yard really is? It's a 300-acre, 40-building site now inhabited by more than 200 tenants, including designers, artists, film-storage companies, and architects. [NYDN]

LAW
• The auction-rate securities mess drags on, and on, and on: Yesterday Merrill Lynch reached a settlement with Attorney General Andrew Cuomo that will keep the bank out of court. As part of the deal, Merrill will pay a $125 million fine and will buy back securities from all investors whose net worth is under $4 million. [NYP]
• New York lawyer Herald Price Fahringer, who is known for defending Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, is in hot water for not knowing how to manage his calendar. A federal judge called him out for not disclosing scheduling conflicts regarding two criminal cases of his that are set to go to trial this fall. [WSJ]
• How is it possible that 50 percent of law-school graduates are women, yet only 17 percent of partners in private firms are female? [Law.com]

Aubrey O’Day to Star in Richie Rich’s New Campaign and Runway Show

Aubrey O'Day: We don't know how we resisted
fondling her, um, vest, either.Photo: Getty Images

Hairspray and Making the Band star Aubrey O'Day will walk the runway for Heatherette designer Richie Rich's new Hot Topic collection during Fashion Week, the Danity Kane singer revealed at last night's Traitor premiere. "I’m walking in Richie Rich’s new line. He was from Heatherette, now he’s got a line called, um … Celebut…," she turned to her friend to ask. "I think it’s Celebutante." Bingo. Diddy taught her well: Correctly stating the name of that which you promote is paramount to modern-day celebrity success. "Lydia Hearst and I are the new models for the line, so we just shot that a couple days ago, and I’m walking in his show on the 9th.”

The ad campaign is raunchy acrobatic, O'Day explained: “It’s a dark circus theme. We had circus acts, and we had dangling people and the contortionists and the whole circus basically. And Richie was like the circus master, and Lydia and I are like the little circus princesses.” Shot at a pier with an actual traveling circus, the photos will appear on the invitations and video from the shoot will play during the runway show. "I had to dangle from, like, the trapeze, and there are a few topless moments," she divulged. “We had to move our bodies in a whole bunch of weird ways. I really feel like I could join the circus after this shoot.” (Will Hairspray close in time to live this dream?)

During the shoot, Rich didn't seem to miss co-Heatherette designer Traver Rains, who's out in L.A. working on independent projects of his own, she said. "I mean, I’m in a group, too — where you just need to go do your own thing for a while. That’s how life works.” Mm-hm.

But O’Day's Fashion Week plans don't stop at, um … uh … Celebri — Celebutante. She's also working with Elle on “possibly” showing her own line during Fashion Week, but her publicist pulled her away before we could grill her for more on that. Alas, we did not get to ask whether the feathered vest and knee-high python patterned boots she wore at the premiere were her designs or Rich’s.

Related: Richie Rich: Heatherette Is Just Taking a Breather

The Many Faces of Ed Westwick

All photos: Getty Images

"Philosophical."

"Blue Steel 2.0."

"Solving a Complex Theorum."

"You Totally Want to Do It With Me,
Even Though I Am Kind of Gross."

"Here's My Impersonation of One of Those
Communist Propaganda Posters."

"Dudes, I'm Seriously Not Convinced the
Bartender Is Going to Fall for the "It's My 21st Birthday"
Trick Again. Are We Going to Get Thrown Out?"

Ed Westwick's Photo Face [NYO]

Bad punch line can get you punched

Report: Movie Smoking Encourages Young People to Smoke

The Kate Moss Likability Index

Kate Moss in Interview:
• Kate tells Glenn O'Brien she freaked out when she met Bob Dylan: "We finally did shake. And then I fainted!" PLUS 2 because anyone can identify with the feeling of dying after meeting one of the world's icons. We barely made it out alive after we met Karl Lagerfeld.
• When Kate met Frank Sinatra at his 80th-birthday party, he cornered her and kissed her instead of, like, shaking her hand. "He was fabulous," Kate says. MINUS 1 because what twenty- or thirtysomething actually likes kissing an 80-year-old? Just because it was Frank Sinatra doesn't mean she has to pretend.
• "All those Pucci numbers and things that I wore when I was 17 that I won't really wear … I'm saving them for [my daughter Lila] really … Now she's a fashion freak." PLUS 4 because we kind of want to be that cool of a mom.
• "Lila says she's going to get married three times. She's going to have three husbands, and she knows exactly who they are." MINUS 3 because she should probably teach her kid that having three husbands would be a big fat mess instead of a good thing.
• "Glenn O'Brien: …who's more diabolical, men or women?
Kate Moss: Men, for sure!
GO: Why?
KM: 'Cause they're cunts!
GO: Men are cunts?
KM: Absolute bastards!" PLUS 6 because word.
• "I had this amazing PA, and we used to pack together, and she got so used to what I wanted to pack that she got to point where she would just do it all — and perfectly. Now she's away having a baby, and I have completely forgotten how to do it … my suitcase is a mess if I do it myself." MINUS 4 because no one "forgets" how to fold clothes and put them in a suitcase.
• "I'm bidding in an auction on one of James Brown's suits. It's ivory with gold epaulets and gold buttons. I met James Brown! I danced with him on the runway at one of Thierry Mugler's shows. He was singing "Sex Machine" and I was dancing in a ball gown, and he turned around and danced with me." PLUS 26. Do we even need to explain?
• "GO: Envy?
KM: Oh yeah, that's a sin. Definitely. I mean, I've never committed it, but it's bad." MINUS 12 because she says earlier she used to want to have Cindy Crawford's breasts and height. Don't lie to us, Kate.
• On why she's hot past the age of 30: "I could talk when I was 20. I'm a lot better in the sack now." PLUS 6 for giving us twentysomethings something to look forward to.
• "Corinne Day made me less conscious of myself. I was 15, and she'd make me take off my top, and I'd cry. After five years, you get used to it, and you're not self-conscious anymore." MINUS 7 because that's extraordinarily creepy.
TOTAL: Plus 17 likability.

Kate Moss in Vogue
• Sykes writes, "The reason she won't do Botox is that if a photographer asked her to frown in a picture and she couldn't, she'd be 'really embarrassed.'" PLUS 5 because this is the age issue, after all, and their thirties icon should promote stuff like that.
• When Sykes interviews Moss in Philip Green's office where she's about to have a meeting to talk about her Topshop line, "a leopard-print cotton trench coat that Vogue editor 'Candy Pratts Price gave me fifteen years ago' is thrown over the back of her chair." MINUS 2 for masturbatory Vogue prose.
• Sykes writes, "Of course, being ahead of absolutely everyone is Kate's gift, and the product she is now selling." MINUS 3 for how utterly obnoxious that sentence is.
• Says John Galliano, "She is a chameleon who captures the now like no one else I know." PLUS 1 because though it annoys us to all hell, that line is kind of amazing.
• Sykes interviews Kate in her garden on a fur rug strewn with leopard-print pillows while she drinks white wine and smokes a cigarette. PLUS 6 because we wish we had a carpeted garden with throw pillows we could drink and smoke in. Also, PLUS 1 for drinking during the daytime interview.
• "Kate rifled through a boxy white Chanel handbag lying on the rug, one of at least 100 Chanel purses she owns," writes Sykes. "She retrieved a heavy glass bottle filled with her pale-pink Kate perfume, which she sprayed on my wrist." MINUS 5 because no one carries their perfume around with them and sprays unsuspecting journalists with it.
• Sykes writes, "Despite, or perhaps because of, an ensuing cocaine scandal, Kate has emerged as a more influential fashion icon than ever, the paradox being that while Moss on the one hand excited condemnation, those who disapprove of her still can't help being interested in her, or deny her talent with clothes." PLUS 2 for mentioning the cocaine thing, lest we ever forget.
• Says Sir Phillip Green, "When she wants something, she calls me up and goes, 'Uncle Phil, Uncle Phil, please…'" PLUS 2 because it works and we would do the exact same thing.
TOTAL: Plus 7

And there you have it: No matter how many of the world's most famous designers Vogue gets to say nice stuff about a person, the more authentic Q&A presented in Interview is considerably more appealing (we'd argue that Plum Sykes's writing hurt Kate's score in this one, too). It doesn't hurt to look like you're on a mission to kick someone's ass in your cover shot either.

Glenn O'Brien Interview with Kate Moss [ONTD]
View From the Top [Vogue]

Why don't TV stars watch TV?

Life Mimics Art: 'Wire' Star Busted for Drugs

Gary Glitter Returns to Britain

FOX411: Bill Maher's Anti-Religion Movie

'The Wire's' Snoop arrested in Baltimore

Maria Pinto Opens First Store; Rachel Zoe Might Design Handbags

Agyness DeynPhoto: Getty Images

• Rachel Zoe might design a "vintage-inspired," affordable handbag line as soon as 2009. [Fashionologie]

• Agyness Deyn is switching to Women Management this December (though DNA will still represent her), which confirms that, indeed, she will be walking this Fashion Week. [Fashionista]

• Banana Republic advertised on their Website that a dress they were selling is no longer $175 but $225. If you're going to hike up the price, why are you telling us about it? [Racked]

• Heather Thomson, designer behind fashion label Yummie Yummie, is casting exotic dancers in her show this Fashion Week for a "pole-dancing extravaganza." She reportedly wants Kate Moss for it, owing to Moss's rumored "expertise" on the pole. Um, where's our invite, Heather? [NYP]

• Cathy Horyn on the diminishing sense of the individual: "I just have the feeling — and it’s no more than that — that we aren’t drawn as much now to the energy of the individual personality, the Tom Ford or the Karl Lagerfeld or the Miuccia Prada, even though we admire their individual gifts." [On the Runway/NYT]

• Proctor & Gamble Co. teamed up with Ann Taylor Loft to help promote the new Tide and Downy Total Care lines. The campaign tells women that two-thirds of the items from the Loft collection are washable, and believes that washing and preserving clothes — rather than dry-cleaning or disposing of them — is a relevant message in this recession. Weird. [WWD]

• Nanette Lepore opens her gorgeous, Victorian West Village home to reveal lots of eccentricity and a mishmash of modern and vintage pieces. [CasaSugar]

• Heidi Klum designed a special T-shirt for the U.S. Open tournament. Naturally, it's covered in butterflies. [Daily Racquet]

America's Next Transgender Top Model?

Phelps to Share Success Secrets in Memoir

Surviving Doors about to settle suit

Neil Sean: Keira Knightley Wishes Fans Would Focus on Films

Everybody Rock! It's a Boy for Gwen Stefani

California Supreme Court Won't Take Up Doors Dispute

'Sporty Spice' Melanie Chisholm Pregnant

Report: Tila Tequila's New Girlfriend Cited for Battery

Founding Fathers' dirty campaign

Review: Faris saves 'House Bunny'

Pop Tarts: Woody Allen: 'Scarlett Johansson Not My Muse'

Review: Something is rotten in 'Hamlet 2'