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Photo: Getty Images
Hedge-fund manager Ralph Schlosstein tried to buy the two Knicks season tickets his friend and former NBC anchor Tom Brokaw recently gave up, but the Garden wouldn't let him. (Perhaps because Brokaw complained about the Knicks ownership in a radio interview in April.) Former The Practice star Dylan McDermott will represent himself in his divorce from wife Shiva Rose. Joel Madden says he's dropped fifteen pounds in the four months since he stopped drinking. Renée Zellweger got hit on by a cute guy at the Palm in East Hampton while she was dining alone and reading a script. The Hills theme-song singer Natasha Bedingfield made it into the Guinness Book of World Records with her older brother: They're the only two siblings to have had solo No. 1 singles in U.K. chart history. Robert De Niro was a huge hit with Cannes-goers. ABC has cast two men from Cosmo's "Hottest Bachelors" list for its dating show The Bachelor. Jack Nicholson maybe once visited a brothel in Germany. Whitney Port stopped off for a late-night snack at a 7-Eleven in the Hamptons. The 83-year-old son of J.R.R. Tolkien is trying to stop New Line Cinema from making The Hobbit because he says the studio still owes the family $160 million in profits from the Rings movies. Cindy Adams was seated next to Siegfried and Roy on a recent flight and says both men looked handsome.
Photo: Getty Images
Lookie! Our other leading ladies! Kim, darling, hot-gluing lace panels on one's gown doth not glamour make, but love the hair and makeup. Kristin Davis looks as Charlotte as she possibly could. And Cynthia Nixon's dress is largely inoffensive, but those white shoes belong on a Fort Lauderdale boardwalk.Photo: Getty Images
Jennifer Hudson's bra is doing something magical here, but we prefer lingerie underneath clothes. In the middle is Nicole Forester from Guiding Light. We dare say she could pass for Sea Anemone Lady No. 4 from the Little Mermaid musical, too. And on the right Libera — er, Christian Siriano — holds fast to the face of the Earth. In case this picture has made you forget, he's "America's next great fashion designer."Photo: Getty Images
For shame, Fergie! Red shoes on the pink carpet?! Love the seahorse, though. Candace Bushnell really looks charming, though we wonder if the dress would have looked better without the fringe. Whatever, she owns it. And on the right, enjoy the rare sight of Ashley Olsen smiling really big! She looks great. If carrying a Manila envelope out with her always makes her this happy, we fully support it.Photo: Getty Images
The Best Photo Op of the Night Award goes to André Leon Talley and Anna Wintour. Yeah, they wear their sunglasses at night. Perfection. And OMG, Michelle Williams is back! Looks like she's not over that unfortunate case of the Carpet Clashies. (Didn't PR warn everyone that the carpet would be a deep pink?) And on the right is Melania Trump. We're sure she's going for a chic early-season Hamptons thing here, but isn't it amazing how expensive outfits can look like they came from Forever 21 sometimes?Photo: Getty Images
Photo: Getty Images
Postal opened in just thirteen theaters nationwide, so, to overcome Skull's $151.1 million five-day take, it would have to had earned about $11.6 million per screen — a tall order. The Website for Cobble Hill Cinema, the only New York–area theater showing the film, says Postal's final showing will be tomorrow, indicating that it might've fallen a little short.
Postal's Box Office mystery [Cut Scene/Variety]
Earlier: Uwe Boll Explains Why He's the Perfect Director to Make a Grand Theft Auto Movie
And Ace Greenberg played on.Photo: Patrick McMullan
Wearing his trademark bow tie, Mr. Greenberg, who still trades, performed magic tricks to amuse colleagues. At their request, he also reprised a scene from company lore: He practiced a golf swing on the trading floor, just as he had on Black Monday 1987, when world markets crashed. Mr. Greenberg, who doesn't play the game, had famously pretended to swing a club and loudly announced he was taking the next day off.
Hilarious! Of course, as in an episode of C.S.I or Titantic, you know the ending to this story: Bear ends up dead. But thanks to the Journal, its heart will go on.
Fear, Rumors Touched Off Fatal Run on Bear Stearns [WSJ]
An informal Oreo-Hydrox blind taste test by 20 Journal reporters resulted in 14 favoring Oreo, citing its sweeter taste. The sample Hydrox cookies were supplied by Kellogg.
A Web site that recently listed the top 25 things people miss ranked Hydrox at No. 4, just behind in-store lunch counters and ahead of Howard Johnson restaurants and the popcorn snack "Screaming Yellow Zonkers."
[WSJ]
Elvis Goes to the Movies: Producers David Permut and Steve Binder have picked up the rights to Alanna Nash's The Colonel: The Extraordinary Story of Colonel Tom Parker and Elvis Presley. Parker was the sketchy Svengali who built Elvis into a global megastar (and took half the loot to boot). No writer or director yet, but what about Hilary Swank as Young Elvis and Karl Rove as Tom Parker? [Variety]
Please Sir, May I Have Three: Three wee English lads will share the starring role in the newest West End production of Oliver!, chosen via the BBC talent competition I'd Do Anything. Gwion (11), Harry (12), and Laurence (11) beat thousands of Oliver hopefuls for a chance to dance for judge Andrew Lloyd Webber. Now get on it, England, and cast David Archuleta already. [BBC]
Dafoe Gets His Freak On: Willem Dafoe has joined the robust cast of Universal's horror-fantasy Cirque du Freak, directed by Paul Weitz. Story centers on a kid who joins an illegal freak show as a vampire's assistant. Dafoe will play one of the vampires, and for those of you playing Dafoe-Vampire Bingo, this marks the third bloodsucking part after Shadow of the Vampire and Daybreakers. [Shock Till You Drop]
Kaplan and Elfont Go to College: Made of Honor writers Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont will rewrite and direct the teen comedy Big Man on Campus for Sony. The comedy concerns the most popular girl in school who gets rejected by a super-nerd. Her social standing plummets, and he becomes the king of the school. Sounds like working with Patrick Dempsey made them rewatch 1987's Can't Buy Me Love. [HR]
STARTING TODAY
• Vintage and new designer handbags are 70 percent off at the Sample Sale Productions bonanza starting today. Snag Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Fendi, Bottega Veneta, Prada, Coach and more for super-low prices. Through 5/29. 275 W. 39th St., nr. Seventh Ave., tenth fl. (917-453-6687); Wed. (10–8), Thurs. (9–6).
• Noir’s giant cocktail rings, metal-and-resin bangles, and necklaces, normally $90 to $500, are priced from $5 to $70. Through 5/30. 350 W. 38th St., nr. Ninth Ave., fifth fl. (212-244-4846); 5/28–5/30 (10–7).
• Temple St. Clair baubles are up to 70 percent off starting today. You’ll also find dinnerware and stemware from Missoni and Oscar de la Renta Home on sale, too. Through 5/31. 317 W. 33rd St., nr. Eighth Ave. (718-747-1656); Wed.–Fri. (9–6:30); Sat. (9–5).
STARTING TOMORROW
• Felix Rey’s cheery umbrellas, bags, and belts are up to 75 percent off. Through 5/30. 611 Broadway, at Houston St., Ste. 838 (212-780-1988); Thurs. (10–7) and Fri. (10–6).
• Men’s and women’s gear from Rogues Gallery, Cheap Monday, and Band of Outsiders is 50 to 75 percent off at the News. Through 5/31. 495 Broadway, nr. Broome St., fifth fl. (212-925-9700); checks accepted; Thurs. and Fri. (10–6); Sat. (10–5).
• Preview the Yves Saint Laurent fall collection at Saks. Saks Fifth Avenue, 611 Fifth Ave., at 50th St. (212-753-4000); Thurs. (10–8); Fri. (10–7).
Delta Ruined Our Dream Trip [NYDN]
Air "Farce" Suit [NYP]
Bush misled U.S. on Iraq, former aide says in new book [AJC]
"It's going to be [like] the Billboard of Hip-Hop," Carroll continues. "It's a void that needed to be filled."
Two things: Billboard isn't doing so hot itself right now. And it has all the music industry to sell to. And isn't this idea about, oh, ten years too late? If this magazine had launched in 1998, it would have been poised to ride the cultural and economic wave that swept hip hop music into a prime position in American pop culture. Now, it's just prepared to swallow $2.5 million of the publisher's money.
Also: I love creative methods of calculation that can produce results like the one that says Hip Hop Business Journal is sneaking into an untapped $500 billion market. Truly imaginative accounting.
1) "Which actress whose name has been dragged through the weeds more than once should know who is selling her secrets to the celebrity magazines? Residents of her Village building are buzzing that one of their doormen has been dropping dimes on her, even picking up tips for the paparazzi on where she'll be from her employees." [NYP]
2) "Which A-list couple agreed to let a paparazzo shoot their kids, but only after the lensman agreed to give the family half of the six-figure paycheck? Later the duo got greedy and demanded two-thirds of the loot, telling the pap: 'We just got new furniture and need to pay it off.'" [NYDN]
3) "Which rapper is secretly, er, servicing his entourage? The fella in question is apparently not picky about the sex of his conquests..." [Mirror]
4) "I didn't even know that these two people knew each other, but just goes to show you that anything is possible. #1 is an A list actor and director, although the director part would probably be closer to B list. Award winning for sure though in both. #1 has a greenhouse on his property and was showing it off to #2. We'll get back to him later. Apparently #1 grows some of the finest pot in the world right there in the back of his house. Nothing else in the greenhouse, just pot. Loves it more than his wife and kid(s), and #2 was suitably impressed and so decided to give it a shot. Oh, not pot. Nope. #2 is an idiot. In and out of rehab and a sad excuse for a C list television actor who has some B list name recognition from the last hit show he was on. #2 figured what the hell and decided to indulge in his drug of choice. Bought a shed at Home Depot, installed it in his backyard and decided he was going to cook his own meth. Yep. Problem is, the idiot didn't know how to make it. Got all the ingredients and just started throwing them together. Too bad he didn't blow himself up, but he has some friends who actually have some brains and made him stop. He had invited them over to watch him cook it all, and they wisely shut him down and threw all the stuff in the trash." [CDaN]
 NEWS.com.au | Sarah Jessica Reveals Best Part About Sex in New York: The Fans! People Magazine - By Kristin Boehm The Sex and the City foursome created a fashion and film sensation on the pink carpet outside New York's Radio City Music Hall for the US premiere of their movie Tuesday night. 'Sex' Is Finally in the City Fabulous “Sex and the City” Premiere |
 Greenwood Index Journal | Fallen heroes remembered on Memorial Day WIVB - (WIVB) - Many western New Yorkers made sure to spend time on Memorial Day honoring those who served and died for our nation. In honor of Memorial Day, Boy Scouts and Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) members placed an American flag next to ... Honoring our veterans Many gave time, effort for Memorial Day event |
 CanMag | "Indiana Jones" fans tough crowd for effects crew Reuters - By Carolyn Giardina LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Indiana Jones' return to the big screen after 19 years underscores how much visual effects have evolved. Fact-checking Indiana Jones Whipping Boy: "Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull |
It selectively mentions websites that aren't really blogs; ignores actual blogs that contradict its thesis; fails to do original reporting to check basic facts about people and comes to an easy, trite conclusion. Which is outrageous, because that sort of intellectually dishonest pontificating belongs to us bloggers, Doree's mom excluded. Seriously, Newsweek, stop it. There are only so many book deals left.
LA-NYC TGW Media
Gossip item, Press advisor, Gossip item, Press advisory, Press
Contact [redacted] Jerry Baker
Socialite Kim Kardashian is saved from stampede of 13 year olds before Hamptons club appearance.
Socialite Kim Kardashian leaving the 5 star Garden City Hotel on Long Island to head to her appearance at Whitehouse nightclub in the Hamptons was in the lobby of the hotel and was spotted by a hundreds of 13 year olds from a Bar Mitzvah party that just ended. The young fans started to chase after her and boyfriend Reggie Bush. NYC Nightclub owner John Englebert aka JE of Suzie Wong saki lounge and Prime nightclub saw the stampede and reacted quickly by escorting her through a side door. JE met Kim at a Playboy mansion party about a year ago in Los Angeles. Although Kim wanted to stay she would have missed her appearance. TJ Scott a representative for the club that booked Kim was staying at the hotel and said Not even Kim's man NFL Star Reggie Bush could have saved her. However Kim did miss her early morning AM flight due to a night of partying in the Hamptons.
LA-NYC TGW Media
Gossip item, Press advisor, Gossip item, Press advisory, Press
Sex and the City finally came home.
After a round of premieres and press in Europe, Sarah Jessica Parker & Co. hit Radio City Music Hall in New York City tonight for the movie's...
Talk about service with a smile, on both sides of the counter.
Eva Longoria Parker served up milkshakes to what were presumably some pleasantly surprised customers Tuesday at a...
Here are some happy thoughts:
Patrick Swayze, who revealed in March he's battling pancreatic cancer, is happy to report he's continuing to respond to treatment.
The...
Cindy Margolis has ventured into singledom.
The Internet pinup queen confirms she and her hubby of nine years, Los Angeles nightclub owner Guy Starkman, have split up.
"The...
Photo: Hulton Archive/Getty
Images
Sydney Pollack: One of Cinema’s Finest Actors [Projectionist]
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Or, use their star power to enhance your own name-recognition.
Figuring the kid didn't know any better, the L.A. band Lustra, which...
• Veteran model Noémie Lenoir landed the June/July cover of French Vogue. Gorgeous. [Elite]
• Roberto Cavalli will give a lecture at Oxford University tomorrow. Because no college education is complete without a highbrow discussion in praise of animal prints and female flesh. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Who was that curly-haired man Naomi Campbell was seen dancing with at her birthday party in Cannes? A major Hollywood producer, that's who! His name is Lawrence Bender, and his credits include Kill Bill, An Inconvenient Truth, Reservoir Dogs, and Pulp Fiction. [Models Blog]
• Natalia Vodianova appears on the floor licking broken glass in an Italian Vogue editorial spread. And what do you do when you find yourself on the floor in a fabulous evening gown? [FabSugar]
He's married. He's a father. So is it any wonder R&B star Usher Raymond sounds a little more mellow on his fifth album, Here I Stand?
Thankfully, friends like Jay-Z and...
Rob Lowe's animosity toward his former chef has been placed on the back burner.
The actor has dropped his complaint-ridden breach-of-contract lawsuit against Peter Clements,...
The infamous metallic jacket.Photo: Getty Images
Speaking of fashion, you won an Oscar and the next day people were tearing you apart for the metallic jacket you wore over an Oscar de la Renta dress. No, that night! We went to the Vanity Fair party and on every table were these magazines … and on the cover was my picture: ''Worst Dressed.'' I was like, Wow, I've won the Oscar, I've got to take that stuff lightly. If it was just a Vogue event [Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley dressed Hudson for the Oscars], it would have been fierce. But people weren't ready for it for the Oscars.Did you like the jacket?
No. [Laughs] Well, not for that. What are my real thoughts on the jacket? I really want to answer this question. [Pauses] I would have worn it with jeans to a high-fashion fashion show. If it was my choice? That day I would have just worn the dress.
We feel for you, darling — André Leon Talley is probably a very difficult person to say "no" to (he did get Oscar de la Renta, Miuccia Prada, Tom Ford, Vera Wang, and Marc Jacobs to visit Savannah, Georgia, after all). But if Sex and the City has taught us one thing and one thing only, it's be your own fashion victim, not someone else's.
Jennifer Hudson Talks 'Sex and the City' [EW]
Photo: Getty Images
No Palme for Che: French high-school drama Entre les murs took the Palme d'Or at Cannes on Sunday, defeating Clint Eastwood's Changeling and countless five-hour dramas about Cuban dictatorships. [Reuters]
Tarantino's Next Movie to Be Total Rush Job: In an interview at Cannes over the weekend, Quentin Tarantino announced that his next film will be his long-anticipated WWII movie Inglorious Bastards. Even though he's still writing the screenplay, he says he thinks he'll have the whole thing done in time for Cannes 2009, which should give him about a month to cast, shoot, and edit it. [/Film]
Rooster Gets His: At last, someone has mustered the good sense to give Matthew McConaughey's brother Rooster (who has a son named Miller Lyte) his own television show. Rooster is a pipe supplier from Texas and lives pretty much exactly the way one would expect of Matthew McConaughey's brother. [People]
Adventure Film Tops Box Office: Over the five-day weekend, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull extracted an impressive $311 million from worldwide moviegoers despite the fact that it features that totally inane sequence in which Shia LaBeouf swings through the jungle with CGI monkeys. [Variety]
Cue the rabid screaming.
Teen-pop sensations the Jonas Brothers have announced an Aug. 12 release date for their third studio album A Little Bit Longer, the majority of which they...
Courtesy of DC Comics
Warner Tries a New Tactic to Revive Its DVD Sales [NYT]
Remember the fracas in the Hamptons that erupted this weekend when gallerist Ruth Kalb was arrested for serving alcohol at an exhibition opening, and then further arrested for resisting said arrest? Well, tony TV outlet Plum TV was there, and they caught the whole thing on tape. Above is a snippet of the events, narrated by a giddy Kelly Killoren Bensimon (more will air on Plum on Friday, apparently). Click above to enjoy. Kalb's awesome accent really adds that special something.
Gallery Owner Arrested [Plum TV]
Related: Discrimination Cause of Gallery Arrest, Lawyer Says
Update: Embedding problems! Go to Plum TV to see the clip until we get it fixed.
R. Kelly might not be the most recognizable R&B star, but so far the prosecution hasn't had any trouble identifying him as the star of a certain sex tape.
A former employee of...
Photo: AP
• Donald Trump hates Stone almost as much as he hates Rosie O'Donnell: “Roger is a stone-cold loser,” he said. “He always tries taking credit for things he never did.”
• “The key to a good Martini is you have to marinate the olives in vermouth first,” Stone explains, adding that Nixon gave him the recipe. Nixon got it from Winston Churchill, apparently.
• According to Stone, legendary McCarthy lawyer Roy Cohn "was not gay": "He was a man who liked having sex with men." We knew that was the party line back in the eighties; we just didn't know people still believed it.
• Women "love" Stone's back tattoo, which is of Richard Nixon's face.
• After years of denying that he and his wife placed swinger's ads for "similar couples or exceptional muscular…single men," Stone finally admitted that they paid for the ads.
• Stone drinks four triple espressos a day.
• He also has owned up to four Jaguars at once.
• He claims to have played a crucial role in piecing together the Eliot Spitzer hooker-ring bust.
Which is all pretty interesting, except Stone has made a living out of being somewhat outrageous and credit hogging. We're frankly still stuck on the image of Jeffrey Toobin at a swinger's club:
A flat-screen television on the wall plays porn videos, and many clubgoers disappear into locker rooms and emerge wearing towels. From there, some of them go into a lounge, a Jacuzzi room, or one of about half a dozen private rooms to have sex — with their dates or with new acquaintances.
To make matters more clichéd, Stone brought along a bottle of p.i.n.k. vodka for the visit. Oh, Jeffrey! You're America's overinformed uncle! What are you doing in a den of sin like that? What if you accidentally sat in the wet spot? You could never talk to Sandra Day O'Connor again!
The Dirty Trickster [NYer]
To allay any possible fears that his upcoming Tha Carter III might not be the world-changing, mind-imploding hip-hop event we're all hoping for, someone in Lil Wayne's camp leaked this three-minute collection of ten-second clips from the album, all of which sound better than disappointing lead single "Lollipop," currently the No. 5 song in the country. We don't really hear any "Umbrella"-size choruses here, but in a summer with few major rap releases, CIII is unquestionably the biggest — surely a blogosphere full of Weezy's admirers can will one of these tracks into a massive hit, right? We like "Let the Beat Build" (allegedly produced by Kanye) and hope the rest of the song is as good as this snippet.
Related: And the Song of the Summer Will Be...
Bond Girl 007Photo: NowSmellThis.com
• Kenzo Power, the new men’s fragrance from Kenzo, launches this August, and will feature spices, bergamot, coriander, cardamom, and woody amber notes. They better name their women's fragrance Power too. [Now Smell This]
HAIR
• If you want to be just like Fergie, put olive oil in your hair when you go on tour. [Spoiled Pretty]
SKIN
• The PedEgg late-night infomercials hawk a foot file that stashes your dry-heel sawdust inside the contraption until you dump it out. This is so gross we don't care if it works. We mean, what if it spills? Ew. [Beauty Addict]
NAILS
• A white base coat will make colors pop, like all those neons that are so trendy this summer. So now you really know how to blind people with them. [Makeup Loves Me]
• Finally! Some nail decals we actually think are kind of funky! These are tiny binary code — 0's and 1's over and over again. Yeah, we did Mathletes when we were little — so what? [Kiss and Makeup]
Photo: WireImage.
"If I were to look at things from a wordly perspective, I would probably have a lot to say about exploitation, hypocrisy and even deception," he wrote on OK! magazine's Website this morning. But for now, he said, he was just going to keep it positive. "The most important thing is to set a good example by instilling positive values, and doing what's right for the kid's sake," he finished. Classy, right? Michael is apparently really turning over a new leaf, because he echoed the same sentiments in an interview with Us Weekly that ran this morning. "Maybe [Lindsay's] mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't," he said, after he apparently confirmed to the tabloid that Lindsay and Samantha Ronson are lesbians and that their relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain": "I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids," he said again. We can totally see that! Then this afternoon he talked to OK! again and denied the lesbian thing he had said to Us. Apparently the quote Us printed was result of "some evil person spreading a vicious rumor to try to hurt my relationship with my daughter." We bet there is an evil person. Like Bob from Twin Peaks. Spooky. Well, we're glad Lindsay has at least one parent out there who's protecting her by setting a good example and not taking advantage of her by talking to tabloids every five minutes.
OK! Exclusive: Michael Lohan Blogs About Dina's Reality Show [OK!]
Dad: Lindsay, Sam's Romance "Evident to Anyone With Half a Brain" [Us]
LOST Flash-Forwards in 8:42 [YouTube via /film]
Earlier: ‘Lost’: Relive the Crash of Flight 815 From Every Angle at Once
Here's a city that knows what's cool.
A bronze statue of iconic Happy Days character Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli will be going up this summer in the artsy RiverWalk...
Photo: Getty Images
“If the heel is continually in a raised position, then it shortens the calf muscle. All the weight is forced on to the metatarsal head and this can cause bunions, corns and calluses; prolonged wear also causes degeneration of joint function,” says Dr Charlotte Hawkins, a specialist in biomechanics and gait. “Overall, it is not a great idea.” So what is an acceptable heel height? “One or maybe two inches.”
We know — fat chance, lady! But if you insist on wearing heels, like, every single day of your life, you'll probably shorten your Achilles tendon and find it too painful to wear flat shoes. This could be why Naomi Campbell insisted Ugly Betty specially make high-heeled sneakers for her to wear during her softball scenes in the season finale. So if you're a heel addict and for some reason don't want to be like Naoms, suck it up and wear your flat shoes from time to time. Consider it preemptive rehab.
‘I can get taxis whenever I need’ [FT]
Photo: Edward Keating
Photo: Getty Images
Fort Greene: Construction of a simple, $5.4 million community center is still not finished after seven years...longer than it took to build the World Trade Center or for Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel! Come on, slowpokes! [NYDN via Gowanus Lounge]
Harlem: A white, female Seattle sports commentator in Carrie Bradshaw heels got stuck here en route to Yankee Stadium, only to realize, happily, that she wouldn't necessarily lose her life after all. [Komonews.com via Uptown Flavor]
Kensington: The people gentrifying this Brooklyn hood because they're priced out of the Slope love its diversity and good schools, but lament the lack of cute cafés. [NYT via Brownstoner]
Upper West Side: Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers sold her Staten Island home and bought a $2.4 million condo in a new building on West End Avenue. Meanwhile, early reports that Joy Behar paid $3.5 mil for a new place up here were wrong: She paid $2.5 mil. [NYO]
Till Gerhard's Light From Above (2008)Courtesy of Stellan Holm Gallery
The new guard: Natalia Chaanenko, Georgina Stojilkovic, and Amanda Laine.Photo: Women Model Management
Models at play!Photo: James Tinnelly, Women Model Management
Related: Women Management's Blog
Rumor of the Day: Prada Casting Director Accepts Bribes?
Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Cheated-On, Out-of-Work Actor: 24, male, Hell's Kitchen, straight, single.
DAY ONE:
9:35 a.m.: Woke up early to beat roommate into shower. Use extra time for a much-needed release of sexual energy. Feels good at first, but upon orgasm I just feel pathetic and empty.
10:30 a.m.: I head to my waiter job. I just ended a relationship with Becky, a girlfriend from college of two years. Almost two weeks ago, I discovered she had slept with/was actively sleeping with two Wall Street jerks from her office, probably while I was serving people their appetizers. I found out, flipped out, and curtly ended things. We haven't spoken since.
11:45 a.m.: I ask a woman with enormous breasts and a shameless sense of personal style if she's saved room for dessert today. I walk away wondering if my apron hides my excitement beneath it. This is a family restaurant.
2:38 p.m.: The image of my ex sharing brunch with someone else is taunting me. Getting cheated on is the worst, because it makes you feel so worthless that part of you actually gets convinced that you deserved it. If you were better, why would she need someone else? I end up texting her something nasty that I only half mean and immediately regret sending.
4:05 p.m.: Still no response. Slut.
9 p.m.: While showering after my shift, I'm tempted to do the deed again, but resist the urge because I'm running late. This is why I always have a girlfriend — otherwise I'd never stop.
9:45 p.m.: Arrive to a testosterone festival at the Black Finn. The place is packed with aging guys in bad suits and polo shirts who seem hell-bent on either fucking or fighting tonight. I'm here for cheap rebound sex with the guest bartender, who's known me for a while, and clearly dug me while I was spoken for.
10:35 p.m.: I sit at the bar watching my friend-prey pour me a rum and Coke. Erection again, but no apron.
1:35 a.m.: Her ludicrous guest-bartending experience is over, and we're in a real bar in Hell's Kitchen doing shots and drinks to make up for all her lost time. She drinks too quickly for a girl her size and touches me a lot at the bar. God, she's hot. And, looks wise, the total opposite of my ex.
2:40 a.m.: Sex. Brief, but very satisfying and much-needed sex. It's my first sex since the breakup, and I feel like a 15-year-old in bed — functioning as if a boob touch would warrant a fresh slap across the face. She's more clumsy than sexy, but she's hot. I don't last long at all, but she doesn't seem upset, and it definitely beats masturbating in the shower.
DAY TWO
10:30 a.m.: This is why I can't do one-night stands. My head hurts, and this is awkward. I just want it to be over. I invite her to get breakfast. Smooth move, Tim.
11:15 a.m.: We go to the Galaxy Diner down the block, and my delicious cheeseburger is the only thing keeping me from putting a fork through my own eye. The last movie she saw had Dane Cook in it.
1:30 p.m.: I should probably feel good about myself, but really the whole thing just made me miss my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. Another snag with the cheating thing is that you're also the one who's stuck with the mess: calling it off. It was my choice, not hers, but it isn't empowering at all. I miss her, and I look at my phone hoping it'll be her begging for forgiveness. Nope, it's just 1:32 p.m., and I feel like an idiot.
7:30 p.m.: Guest bartender texts. Asks if she left her earrings. I say no (which is true), but lie and say I'm busy all week.
11:33 p.m.: I'm no pothead, but at times like this it's the only substance that keeps me asexual. I think about masturbating before bed, but after a packed bong, at least three hours of Dexter, and a toxic combination of Chips Ahoy and vanilla-bean ice cream, I'm pretty much useless sexually. Good night, penis.
DAY THREE
9:35 a.m.: I refuse to masturbate in the shower.
1:15 p.m.: I wait on a couple from Spain who sits on the same side of the table. As much as I love Europeans, this is a single waiter's ultimate pet peeve, and I find it very difficult to mask my contempt. I try to finish my shift like a professional (prostitute) by denying myself all thought and emotion.
3:15 p.m.: I tell my manager (a fellow "actor" who's given up and taken a real job in the only other field he knows anything about) that I have an audition and have to go. I go home, masturbate, and e-mail my ex-girlfriend. I hate myself. I really do.
4:45 p.m.: She writes back. She misses me, too, and she regrets everything. I say yes, I'd like to see her sometime and talk. I rip a bong hit to kill my own self-loathing. The Legend of Zelda is too complicated when you're high.
5:15 p.m.: Go to MySpace and end up enjoying myself with pictures of Tila Tequila, who's more trashy than hot.
5:21 p.m.: I go through over two hundred MySpace Internet friends and marvel at how I met this many reasonably hot chicks in the first place. Out of spite, I start messaging aspiring model-actresses who are still finishing up their degrees at Hunter, NYU, or whatever other colleges that hot 20-year-old chicks with rich parents get their bachelor's degrees at these days.
10:30 p.m.: Masturbate for the third goddamned time in one day, to "Bikini Pirates." I wonder why all my choices in self-loving material are never hard-core porn, but instead are always more funny than sexy. I'm a weird guy.
1:15 a.m.: MySpace love. Do I want to catch up with "Jess," an old friend, philosophy student, and fake actress from NYU? Yes. Yes I do.
2:45 a.m.: If I had the strength or coordination to masturbate a fourth time today, I'd probably do it. Instead, I pass out ass-naked in bed and drunkenly leave it to the gods if my poor roommates barge in tomorrow.
DAY FOUR
10:30 a.m.: My phone wakes me up, which means I'm late for work. No time for the "Will I masturbate in the shower today?" moral dilemma. Also, my penis hurts.
6:30 p.m.: I'm so angry that my ex STILL hasn't responded. I've got "Jess" bloodlust.
9:05 p.m.: I meet the girl. I hate this girl.
9:45 p.m.: Say what you want about cheating ex-girlfriends, but at least mine doesn't talk for the sake of talking. Maybe it's a philosophy-major thing or an NYU thing. Before I have an aneurism, I look at her breasts and remember why I'm here. Deep breaths.
11:10 p.m.: I wish I was here with my ex.
11:45 p.m.: I say let's go to my place. Denied. Counteroffer of her place. I'm afraid if I go home alone that I'll end up calling the ex for the first time since we split, so I say okay.
11:54 p.m.: God, do I love making out in cabs. I know it's gross. We keep it clean, but paw at each other about as aggressively as you can without risking imprisonment.
12:35 a.m.: She's aggressive. She takes her shirt off and suddenly I don't care that much. Nice boobs, but she's not as hot as she is with her trendy wardrobe on.
12:45 a.m.: I don't have a condom, but she does. And it weirds me out. I tell her that I don't want to have sex because it's "just moving too fast" for me, which is never true if a guy says it.
1 a.m.: A blow job. Awesome. I'm so drunk that my ears are fever-hot. This is tremendous. I look down at her working — a true master at her craft — and wonder if this act would be labeled deep throating or if I've just got a really small penis. I'm 50-50 on the issue, but it doesn't change the result. I go to sleep happy.
DAY FIVE
8:40 a.m.: I lie there thinking about how much hotter my ex was. I wonder if she responded to my e-mail.
12:35 p.m.: Home. Nap. Wake to early-afternoon wood. It's twisted, but I masturbate to the visual of my ex and another dude.
1:30 p.m.: Still no response from the ex, and it's driving me insane.
5:15 p.m.: No more mind games. I call her for the first time since I found out she was cheating. She answers on the first ring, I think because she's shocked I actually called. I tell her that I don't know why she needed to mess around, but that we're lucky it happened now and not ten years from now. I say that I don't like myself anymore, and that if I don't stop thinking about her, then I'll never be able to look myself in the mirror again. Before she can say anything, I tell her that she's really smart and very pretty and that I hope she finds what she's looking for. I sound like a John Cusack movie, but before she can figure out what's going on I wish her the best of luck and hang up. It doesn't feel good, but it feels complete.
6:45 p.m.: I've got four e-mails from her — no joke. And for the first time, I can laugh at her. I masturbate to a video of a Brazilian girl dancing to a Jock Jams song.
DAY SIX
10:30 p.m.: The people I'm waiting on are getting drunker and drunker, and the couples are more and more in love with each other. Either it doesn't bother me, or I'm in too much denial. Whatever.
2:30 a.m.: Six missed texts, five of them from ex-girlfriend and one from NYU girl. I erase the ex's texts, while doing my best to not read a single word of them.
2:35 a.m.: Feels so good. Celebrate with Brazilian Jock Jams chick.
DAY SEVEN
12:35 p.m.: Wake up alone, and I like it. I always take Fridays off.
1:35 p.m.: Friend asks how things are with Becky. I say it's over, and move on. I've been a rather large weenie about this whole thing.
4:30 p.m.: The plus side of seeing movies solo is that you can see Never Back Down. The film is straight out of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Who needs sex when you're having a comedic orgasm for 106 straight minutes?
7 p.m: I eat my second burrito of the day at Burritoville.
10:30 p.m.: I watch two episodes of Dexter, the writers' strike episode of South Park (genius), and I self-medicate with a light dose of that marijuana stuff. I decide that I think about chicks too much. Good night, flaccid wang.
Totals: Seven acts of masturbation, two rebound dates, one act of intercourse, one blow job, two aborted acts of shower masturbation, and one act of taxi petting.
Photo: Getty Images
1. He lives in Antwerp, Belgium, to maintain a low profile.
"One of the big luxuries of being in Antwerp, is that I can easily walk in the city," he says. "In Paris and New York I am more recognized."
2. He doesn't advertise.
3. He loves food!
[R]estraint was not in evidence at the 50th birthday bash, with its heaving dance floor and abundant food from 12 different chefs whose Asian and Moroccan cuisine or mini-hamburgers were served until 4 a.m.
4. He's not afraid of getting old.
"It's not depressing — it's impressive," says Van Noten about reaching half a century — the age when his mother decided to quit the family retail business for a farm in the country. "You have to think of all sorts of things, that you did not when 45," the designer says. "It's about making choices."
Dries Van Noten in full bloom at 50 [IHT]
Wrong! In fact, we find this development terrifying. What's next? A guitar peripheral with real strings? Being required to tune our plastic instruments before we rock out? Activision's more-realistic drum kit puts us one step closer to a horrifying future in which video games will require real skills and teach us how to do things. The appeal of Guitar Hero is being able to play a blistering, five-button version of "The Number of the Beast" without having to learn to hold a guitar pick properly. We just want to feel the naked, stupid exhilaration of accomplishing a musical feat in a few hours that a real guitarist might spend years on. All this realistic new game play threatens to take away that thrill and replace it with challenge and learning. Hey, game developers: We want to be rock gods, not musicians! —Tammy Oler
Photo Illustration: Getty Images, iStockphoto.
At night, when the store closed, the Von Mouseltons would have huge parties. The men would bring cupcakes back from the kitchen, carrying them aloft with their tiny paws, while everyone sang songs of joy and danced. Ralph would put on a Barbie tutu and twirl, and if he'd had too much to drink, Jim Von Mouselton would do his famous impression of Tom Hanks in Big and tap out "Heart and Soul" on the giant piano. Later in the evening, when everyone was full of crumbs and cheer, Grandfather Von Mouselton would tell stories about coming over on a ship from Austria and the hunk of Limburger he'd found at Ellis Island.
Then one day, something awful happened.
Toby and Ralph were in their usual spot on the first floor, when they saw a child crying near the stuffed-dog display. "I want a stuffed beagle," the child was wailing. "All they have are bulldogs."
Now, it was Memorial Day weekend, and the store was very crowded. This meant that all of the Von Mouseltons had to be especially wary of getting caught. It also meant that there was more candy on the floor than usual, and Ralph was tweaked out of his mind on sugar. "I'm going to get the beagle," he squeaked. Toby looked out at the crowd. There was a mass of people right outside! Ralph was never going to make it without being seen. "Don't do it, dude!" he squealed. But it was too late. Ralph had darted out onto the floor and had already been spotted. "Oh my God, there are mice in there," Janvi Mehta, 25, shouted, causing an uproar. "What if it goes into your stuffed toy and you bring it home?"
Ralph and Toby ran like crazy to reach the burrow. "That was intense," Ralph said, once he had caught his breath.
"Should we tell someone?" Toby said.
"No!" Ralph said. "Other mice have been seen, and no one has done anything about it," he added defensively.
But what Ralph and Toby didn't know was that a reporter from the Daily News had been there. The next day, the news was all over the papers, and FAO Schwarz issued a statement. "As much as we are believers in a world filled with toys and games, our store is not a place for mice to play," they said. "We had exterminators in the store at 9 a.m. this morning to rectify the issue. As any resident or store owner in New York City can attest, it’s an issue we’ll continue to confront on a daily basis to ensure it does not happen again."
And so all the Von Mouseltons died.
How Much for That Mouse in the Window? [NYDN]
Clockwise from top left, Seafolly Australia, Sofia, Malia Mills, Analog, Nepenthes New York.
Trocadero by Seafolly Australia
Price: $108
Why we like it: The pops of color and tricolor beads make this look funky yet mature. It's a nice spin on the sexy monokini trend.
Lola Bikini by Sofia
Price: $92
Why we like it: This teeny-weeny bikini will make you want to hit the gym for hard-core abs, but the top straps and bottom ties provide some heft to make up for minimal coverage. If you've got it, flaunt it.
Danceteria Top and Calendar Girl Bottom by Malia Mills
Price: $160 for top. $175 for bottom.
Why we like it: Cover-up with this forties-style bandeau halter and high-waisted shorts two-piece. The lacy, polka-dot print modernizes this throwback.
Retro Short Swim Trunks by Nepenthes New York
Price: $95
Why we like it: For a great poolside-vacay look, these retro-inspired muted-blue trunks do the trick.
Belka by Analog
Price: $50
Why we like it: These surfer-style board shorts come with a yellow comb to wax your board, dude. Gotta prep for the Jersey shore, after all. — Sharon Clott
Related: View all the suits in Shop-A-Matic
Photo: nyt.com
MTV's Unscripted Show May Get a Dose of Gritty Brooklyn Reality [NYT]
Earlier: Brooklyn to Find Out What Happens When People Stop Being Polite, Start Getting Real
Photo: Getty Images
He scanned Campbell "straddling the barrel of a large tank" which will form one sculpture. Another will be a "circle of three Naomis, like The Three Graces", but designed to be viewed from within the circle and in a darkened room.
So what's Knight going to do with the sculptures that don't land in a darkened room? The Independent comically suggested he put one at the entrance to Terminal 5 in Heathrow "as a symbol of the nation's rage over lost baggage and delayed flights." (You'll recall Campbell reportedly had a violent outburst on a British Airways flight over a lost bag.) After the jump, we share our own comical ideas for where the sculptures should go.
Naoms the Redeemer.Photo Illustration: Getty Images
2. In Central Park. Imagine The Gates, part two!
3. At all the major Fashion Weeks as the "Naomi Mobile Art Exhibit" to remind attendees not to express the frustrations the show season induces in public.
4. On a mountain somewhere in South America, like the Machu Picchu or Christ the Redeemer statue. We like the idea of modern majestic art among all the old stuff. Besides, she's done a lot of charity work to fight dengue fever down there so she's earned it.
The supermodel who's larger than life [Independent]
Related: Naomi Campbell Banned, Skies Return to Friendly
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