In other words, generating a lot of noise is a journalistic end unto itself. Or at least proof of merit. That's such a forward-thinking, blog-ish way to think. Gawker-esque, some might say. But now, barring some kind of technical concern, the paper seems to be having second thoughts, because the internet can be cruel. Given the subject of Gould's piece, that's very meta.
Of course, as Gould is surely aware, shutting down comments isn't going to stop the invective; it's just going to push it onto email, personal blogs, Twitters and even instant messaging status updates:
It rocked much, much harder than I thought it would. I was truly afraid that Shia LaBeouf would ruin it. I don't like young men, period. I especially don't like young men who are challenging my old heros. But Shia actually plays a pretty interesting, funny character. And when he tries to push Indy into a corner, Indy gives him his awesome dead-pan, which amounts to, "C'mon, Kid, I could break you in half and you goddamn know it. Why not just behave yourself and learn something?" And Shia's "Mutt" is just obedient enough—and smart enough, recognizing that Indy is probably the best role model any boy or girl could have—to listen and not make the whole movie a stupid generational fight.
The whole Indy-as-role-model theme made me happy throughout the movie. It's not overdone, and Indy still does all his trademark slapstick falling, tripping, flat-on-his-ass stuff. But when Indy gives advice to this kid, I felt all teary. And then when his advice was stupid, I felt like, "Awesome movie!"
Indy is older, and it shows in the fight scenes, but it also shows that he knows how the fuck to fight. And his big punch-to-punch scene in this movie is the best he's had since he fought that huge German on the airfield in Raiders.
And... Marion Ravenwood. Karen Allen is just slightly underused in the main part of the movie. She's amazingly dreamy and beautiful, as ever, but she is mostly driving a car. Still her exchanges with Indy are so worthwhile, especially when they first see each other after 18 years. Indy's response is so priceless that I would have cried had I been drunk. But I caught the 3:00 p.m. show.
The ending is slightly hard to stomach. But, in general, this is a movie for fans that anyone should enjoy because it really is 2 hours of action. For fans, there were sneaky references to Star Wars and Raiders that you can chuckle about. I did.
Okay. Thanks for listening. That's just me. I'm not a critic.
Ian
In real life, references live for a short time but only rarely invade the public consciousness; original humor has an advantage. But online, the cost/benefit ratio of quoting, "sampling" or "remixing" someone else's fad outweighs that of coming up with something on your own, so everyone just parrots catchphrases on their t-shirts and blogs and webcomics. Because the Internet lets normal people make as much noise as funny and original people, the lame humor that usually dead-ends in offices instead spreads like crazy.
Of course the same thing happens more and more in other media; MTV makes whole series revisiting a past decade or an old band. Is this just something that happens every generation, or are we really drowning original humor in a sea of catchphrases?
By the way, the article pokes at several other truths, like "The worst of [Internet humor] is 'random' humor" and "Because if you scream a joke as it's being told, it's like you're telling it yourself!"
Wesley Snipes gets to have a little more fun in the sun after all.
A day after a court ordered him to surrender by June 3 to begin serving a three-year prison sentence for failing to...
When the Yankees are through with Joba, he'll be Incredible.Photo Illustration: Getty Images
Nobody, including the YES network’s commentators, was quite sure why Joba was coming in for a second inning last night. After all, it was just Saturday that Cashman and manager Joe Girardi told reporters Joba could stay in the bullpen all year, and that he might finally make it into the rotation in “’08, ’09 or ’10.” Now, after totally reversing course and claiming this was the plan all along (and, implicitly, that they were lying earlier for some reason), Girardi has “refused to divulge how Chamberlain will be transitioned,” according to the Post, and Cashman demurred, “I don't want to be specific in how or what we're trying to do.” It’s all a little too secretive, like they either have no idea what the plan is or they do know and it’s not something the public can handle. Are they going to stretch his arm out by stringing him up and racking him, à la William Wallace in Braveheart? Will he be training with Brian McNamee? Let your guard down, Yankees, we can handle the truth. —Dan Amira
Moving Chamberlain Out of Pen Could Leave Yankees on Dangerous Mound [NYP]
Related: Video: Men on Spring's Hottest Heels
Ellen DeGeneres is the kind of talk-show host that gets presidential candidates to dance and First Daughters to prank-call their parents. When it comes to politics, she doesn't tend to ask the hard questions. Except on the subject of gay marriage, something very close to Ellen's heart. Since California legalized gay marriage a week ago, Ellen has been excitedly talking about how she will wed her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi officially. Ellen has asked Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama about the issue, and they favor civil unions for same-sex couples but not full marriage. Today Republican candidate John McCain was on the show, and she asked the same thing. But this time, it was decidedly more uncomfortable. Though McCain urged for some sort of legal compromise for insurance and protection (akin to civil unions? He didn't elaborate), he seemed extremely uneasy when Ellen pressed the issue. In the above clip, Ellen makes some pretty heartfelt appeals and McCain can't quite muster up the courage to defend himself on why he thinks she's wrong.
Ellen DeGeneres [Official site]
Photo: Getty Images
• Lookie! V magazine has announced the three finalists of its male-model search! And lookie! They're shirtless! [V Magazine]
• Maria Sharapova will wear a $1,150 pair of earrings by Tiffany & Company at the French Open. What jewelry do you wear to the gym, hmmm? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Here's a closer look at the gun shoes Karl Lagerfeld showed in his Chanel resort collection. [TeamSugar]
• Allure ran an article about how to take a shower. With diagrams. [Jezebel]
Photo: Getty Images
Oh, wait. We've never commuted in peace. Alas.
Suspect In Subway Chain Robberies Arrested [NY1]
Earlier: Mole Mugger Plagues 14th Street!
Courtesy of Paramount
But what if it did? What if, despite Crystal Skull's likely enormous success, it takes just as long for Spielberg and Lucas and Ford to agree on a script as it did between 1989's Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and this one? The nearly twenty-year layoff did offer the filmmakers some new stylistic choices, as Crystal Skull is set many years after Last Crusade — in 1957 — and draws from tropes of fifties filmmaking. If it takes forever for another Indy movie to get made, what might it look like? Vulture hopped into our handy time machine and found out.
Courtesy of Paramount, Warner Bros.
Photo: iStockphoto; Courtesy of Paramount
Photo: iStockphoto; Courtesy of Paramount
In case Miley Cyrus has been missing her Disneyfied alter ego while recording her first all-Miley album, she's in luck.
Production has kicked off on Hannah Montana: The Movie, which...
Daria in her new bronze collection.Photo: Courtesy of Lancome
• L'Oréal uses Facebook to recruit employees with the application “Work With Me.” So maybe if you want them to "work with you," you shouldn't post those smeared makeup 3 a.m. photos anymore. [WWD]
• Reports from the Luxe Pack New York trade show this week say that the beauty-packaging market is growing globally despite the steadily tanking national economy. What would beauty products be if they didn't come in boxes, after all? [Cosmetic News]
• Shiseido's Hydro-Powder cream shadows are shimmery, bright summer shades that go on really nicely rather than gunking up in creases. [Beauty Snob]
• The new Neo Sci-Fi collection from M.A.C features bright-orange packaging, even though the colors are neutral. How confusing. [Bella Sugar]
• Speaking of Neo Sci-Fi, the neutral colors of the nude lip create a great counterpoint to a detailed smoky eye. [Temptalia]
NAILS
• Have ya heard? Chipped nail polish is in. According to the Times, “grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness.” Except in our case. Kidding! [NYT]
FRAGRANCE
• Sarah Jessica Parker’s fragrances sold out this week on the Home Shopping Network even though she didn't appear to shill them herself. Does this woman ever lose? [Chic Report/ Fashion Week Daily]
• If you love David Yurman jewelry and summer in the Hamptons, you'll just love the new Yurman fragrance, according to this reviewer. It's a first for the label, and the Times gives it three stars for “good juice” at an expensive rate ($165 for 75ml). [Moment/NYT]
HAIR
• Touted as the next Frederic Fekkai, celebrity hairstylist Dusty Simington told a bunch of beauty bloggers, “If you’re unattractive, you’re stupid, because there are so many great products out there.” Okaaaay. [Sugar Shock Beauty]
• Your hair should never be sculptured into lions, birds, or bears. It's scary. Though we give mad props to whoever is capable of doing it. [Kiss and Makeup]
Estelle feat. Kanye West
Yesterday, we conceded that, unless it's somehow derailed by its stabbing-related theme, Leona Lewis's "Bleeding Love" will probably be 2008's "Umbrella." Still, if we had any say in what song reaches "Crazy in Love"–level ubiquity this year, we'd pick Estelle's Kanye-enhanced single, which we first heard back in February and haven't really stopped listening to since. Despite its humble beginnings (the beat is a sample from Will.I.Am's abysmal solo album), it's catchy, smart, and already a chart-topping hit in most other civilized countries. Its theme might not be invisibly bland enough for true mass consumption (in the song, the London-based singer learns to love Chicago-born Kanye, even though he's American and wears baggy pants), but Estelle, if there's anything we can do to help, just let us know.
Photo: Ashley's MySpace
She will unveil said sketches and perform several monologues about the psychodrama tonight, including this fabulous dramatic reconstruction of what that fateful evening must have been like for Ashley Alexandra Dupré, a.k.a. "Kristen."
She’s on the train. She’s getting her ticket. She’s waiting in line. She’s in Penn Station. She’ll try to make the most of it. She would rather be somewhere else. She’s getting dressed for him. She’s imagining the evening. She’s scheduled for his privacy. She’s not one woman. She is all woman. She is me. I am her.
Isn't this genius? The first time we read it we fell into a fugue state where we swear we became Kristen.
She gives him her ticket. She packs her bag. She looked out the window. She waits her turn. She is getting closer. She is getting closer. She gets off the train. She takes the taxi. She goes to the hotel. She walks through the entrance. She takes the elevator. She has been there before. She knows her way. She’s still a bit nervous. She’s looking in the other direction. She checks her purse. She makes a call. She goes in the elevator. She pushes No. 8. She is alone in the elevator. She looks in the shiny copper. She walks to Room 871. She opens the door. She walks in the room. She takes off her coat. She draws the curtains. She turns on the TV. She prepares her body. She makes her toilet. She looks in the mirror. She waits. She is hesitant. She is anxious. She waits for him. She waits for my husband. No expectation. No obligation. Let me connect with her.
That's all we got. If you want to hear Finley do the black-socks part, we imagine you'll have to go to the show.
Spitzer Downfall Inspires Performance Art [City Room/NYT]
The Sixth Annual Meeting of the Cultural Studies Association [Cutural Studies Association]
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have probably developed pretty thick skins over the past couple years. But there's still a big soft spot when it comes to Suri.
The couple's attorney...
Despite having all the answers on The Simpsons, Yeardley Smith could only come up with one solution this time around.
The character actress and vocal talent behind the animated Lisa...
UPDATE: Another woman identified both the alleged victim and R. Kelly in the singer's sex tape in court today, testifying the girl was a minor when the recording was made. Audrey Hampton, a...
A minor-league blog might be saying "yeah," but Usher's people are saying "absolutely not."
The R&B star's manager calls an anonymously sourced breakup...How do we know after watching only two minutes of young, nubile actors frolicking in American Apparel jumpsuits? For starters, reread that last sentence. While Brenda's neckties and Kelly's bodysuits are terrifying today, at the time they felt ahead of the curve and therefore weirdly fascinating. Conversely, the new 90210’s wardrobe already feels desperate and stale: The “hot jock” sports Chloë Sevigny's infamous white-rimmed Ray Bans, while the "quirky" girl almost exclusively wears things tied around her forehead — be they Bret Michaels's scarves, or shoelace headbands in the style of Arden Wohl and Mary-Kate (and, come to think of it, the homeless guy who hangs out near our favorite bar). It's like the show is straining to be Unique and Edgy, when in fact this style has been done, done a lot, and done better, by other people. Including that homeless dude.
The actors seem just as bored. Jessica "Lucille Bluth" Walter — who played the booziest, horniest senior citizen this side of Blanche Deveraux on Arrested Development — offers only that her character is "not your typical grandmother," while Lori Loughlin blandly beams that she plays a mother who is — wait for it — just as cool as her kids. Not even Tristan Wilds, a.k.a. Michael from The Wire, can explain why his character is interesting except for "the way he adapts to Beverly Hills." (Couldn't he have tossed off something like, "Oh, just the way he sold a baby for a Dior phone"?) On 90210: Days of Yore, Emily Valentine slipped drugs into Brandon's drink, then poured gasoline on a parade float and threatened arson when he dumped her. You want this to be appointment television? Give us the sense there's something comparable up these people's designer sleeves. Tossing fans a bone by hiring Jennie Garth to reprise her role as Kelly Taylor might help, but we’re probably just going to stress out over whether Dylan ran off to London with Brenda again (that's a show we'd rather watch).
Clearly, the CW is aching to capitalize on Gossip Girl's buzz, but if the promo plays like a lazy stab at grafting that sex and glitz onto the West Coast — with no hook but a familiar Zip Code — then what hope is there for the actual show? Dawson’s Creek, The O.C., and even Buffy turned the teen-drama genre into something racier and less PSA-friendly than the original Beverly Hills, 90210 (remember, Donna actually waited eight seasons to have sex!). With viewers hungry for more mature shock, awe, sarcasm, and scandal, it's an uphill task to modernize something as genuinely earnest without ruining what made it so entertaining to its fans. Isn’t a cooler, sexier, more provocative 90210 essentially … Gossip Girl? Why not just spin off that show? At least then we could get a cameo from Blair Waldorf and leave the 90210 legacy to age in peace like the divine lump of fromage it is. — The Fug Girls
Trey Anastasio went Phishing for trouble and caught a break.
After successfully completing a drug reatment and counseling program, the jam rocker was sentenced to three years probation...
Theoretically you might have to question 4 million people before finding 12 with no preconceived opinion about O.J. Simpson, but the Las Vegas justice system just doesn't have that kind of...
Meet the Flex and the City girls. Clockwise from top, Colette Nelson as Carrie, American Gladiator Jamie Reed as Charlotte, Antonia Schmitt as Miranda, and Lena Squarciafico-Sanchez as Samantha.Photo: Melissa Hom
In other words, we're kind of protective of the show in spite of ourselves.
So when Heavy.com, the men's-entertainment Website that produced this geriatric re-creation of The Hills, called us last week to see if we wanted to come out to Williamsburg to watch them shoot Flex and the City, re-creations of iconic SATC scenes with professional female bodybuilders, we were kind of, like, "Euch." It sounded faintly misogynist and un-funny to us. And even if the four women playing the famous SATC quartet, all of them from Long Island, did kind of look like Fire Island muscle gays swaggering off to a drag tea dance, they were so nice and such good sports that we suddenly felt protective of them.
Colette Nelson, who plays Carrie and was one of three women in the country to be named World Universe bodybuilding champ, explained that she didn't feel any less girlie than the women on the real show. "People think I must be dominant, but that's not my personality whatsoever," she told us. "I got into bodybuilding because it covers up some insecurities within yourself. So as much as we look strong outside, on the inside there's weaknesses. The women on the show have body issues, but so do we, but on a different level."
Now do you know what we mean about not wanting these gals to be used by the fratty Heavy guys in a sort of mean way? Well, the results are in. You can watch the first "episode" for yourself. What do you think? We still just don't think that, overall, it's that funny. Or is it maybe telling us something we don't want to hear? —Tim Murphy
'Flex and the City' Episode: Modelizers [Heavy.com]
Photo: Getty Images, Columbia Pictures
Yoko Wins: A Boston judge has ruled in favor of Yoko Ono in her fight to prevent World Wide Video, a New England–based group of Beatles collectors, from releasing 40-year-old, black-and-white footage of John Lennon smoking marijuana. It is said to be the only known evidence that John Lennon ever smoked marijuana in the sixties. [Reuters]
Dreyfus Returns to Comedy: Richard Dreyfuss has been cast as Dick Cheney in Oliver Stone's Bush biopic, W, expected to be his funniest film since What About Bob?. [HR]
Adventure Movie Opens: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is playing on 9,500 screens this holiday weekend and is expected to earn a modest sum of money by Monday evening. [Fantasy Moguls]
Tony Romo may have been Jessica's date for sister Ashlee's wedding, but there's no doubt who really has this girl's heart.
Daddy.
"It's always been...
Photo: Getty Images
So, is Aggy vying for an acting career when her modeling days run out? "Not necessarily," she said. "We’ll see how it goes. It’s nice working on this particular thing because it’s friends, and it’s a very chilled environment to learn." She studied drama at college, but it was "very theory-based," she added. "I’m just throwing myself in.” — Fiona Byrne
Photo: Brooklyn Paper
Coney Island: Even as the amusement park prepares to open this weekend, the city is saying it wants to wrest control of the iconic Wonder Wheel away from the family who bought it in 1948 and make it part of a city-owned, year-round fun park. [amNY via Gothamist]
Fort Greene: About 100 riders of the G train held a protest to kick off a monthlong campaign aiming to beef up service on the line, the "forgotten stepchild" of the subway system. [NYO]
East Village: Toyota footed the bill for a new "children's learning garden" on East 11th Street, designed by the landscape architect who's doing Brooklyn Bridge Park. [NYT]
Upper East Side: The hoity-toities who live around Park and 63rd are still grumbling about the catered society parties that go on inside the Third Church of Christ, Scientist — you know, the double-parked limos, the din of half the city's Establishment taking a smoke break on any given night — and the court case over the matter drags on. [NYS]
South Bronx: Nearly an entire eighth-grade class boycotted a practice test last week for a statewide exam, complaining that such drills had gobbled up real learning time. But did a young teacher egg them on? [Talk Bronx]
American Idol cooked.
Last night's season finale was up about 1 million viewers from last year's, averaging 31.7 million viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research...
Girls Heart "Sex and the City" as "Lost" Steers to Nutty Finale.
Could we like A Cappella?
1. Sex and the City:
Global Female Takeover Begins
Manly men of the universe: Make your plans for month's end! Otherwise, you're sure to be dragged off to the cineplex, drunk on Cosmos, to see the Sex and the City movie, perhaps the least desirable male entertainment since the XFL. (A brief RS staff poll — Austin: "No." Sean: "No way." Andy: "Seeing Indiana Jones 4 again." Brian: "Maybe." But we heard it's... |
Mel Bochner’s Blah, Blah Blah (maroon) (2008)Courtesy of Peter Freeman, Inc
Photo: Getty Images
"My philosophy is, I'd rather be cold and look good than be comfortable and think later, 'I really should not have worn a parka to the premiere'," the actress said in an interview with London-based radio station, Heart FM. "I would rather run for 18 hours in heels and think, 'Yeah, that looks great' because it's a long life. I feel panicked in a turtle neck."
We hate when the paps catch us in our frumpy flats too. So embarrassing.
SJP's Fashion Nightmare [British Vogue]
Photo: Getty Images
Aww. Cynthia was right — Silda looked amazing. To gauge what her look said about her state of mind, we talked to editorial and celebrity stylist Sam Spector, who walked us through her outfit. "Silda looks radiant with her brilliant smile and her bold red dress," the stylist explained. "The dress sends an interesting mixed message — while it is demure enough to suggest she might be standing by her man, it is playful enough to suggest she may be ready for a fresh start," explains Spector, who has worked with celebs like Ryan Reynolds, Amy Sedaris, and Lake Bell. "She is keeping it simple, with few accessories, and letting the dress make the statement with its prominent bow."
Photo: Getty Images
Sam Spector [Official site]
Briane Greene, Tracy Day, some lady, and Alan Alda celebrate science. Photo: Chris Lee
Tracy Day: The point of this isn’t about doing a science fair — you know, Wow, isn’t science cool and fun? — with balloons and exclamation points.
New York: But we love exclamation points! And wait, no balloons?
Brian Greene It’s an effort to bring real science across with integrity, but make it accessible and compelling and exciting and inspirational. We want the festival to reach the person to whom you say "science" and they run under a rock. For instance, at the Guggenheim, we’ll have a program where physics is being interpreted by a choreographer and a composer. And Alan Alda is doing a new piece called Dear Albert, which stitches together the correspondences of Albert Einstein to his wives and his kids, following his struggles to discover relativity. It humanizes him.
New York: Alan Alda is such a Renaissance man. He's a good writer, too. Anyway, where did the idea come from?
Brian Greene We went to the Science Festival in Genoa, and the excitement of science spilling out into the streets of old Genoa was so palpable that we stood there in the main square and realized that to pull off something like this in New York could have a spectacular impact.
Tracy Day: So we started road testing the idea with Nobel laureates.
Brian Greene: Across the board, they said, "This is so important; we want to be part of this."
New York: So what’s the benefit to a nonscience geek in showing up? Like, my editors at Daily Intel don't even know where the Internet comes from.
Brian Greene: Is it a sensible question to ask, What’s the benefit of listening to music or going to theater or going to an art museum or reading great literature? Science is the same. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times: A whole new realm of thought opens up, and they get it, and, wow, their whole life can shift in a significant way.
New York: It would probably be better with balloons. Just saying. — Arianne Cohen
Perry MoorePhoto: Getty Images
Moore, a longtime Walden Media executive, was one of the passel of producers on the Narnia movies, but sounds dramatically more excited about the producer who's helping shepherd Hero along: Stan Lee. "The ultimate fanboy moment," Moore calls the first phone call from "legend" Lee. "Just to have a straight older man who’s the comic-book legend of all time … just to have him think that the next big movie is my humble little creation about the world’s first gay superhero — it was just wonderful. Wonderful! It was such a thrill. I’m talking way too much," he said. "Fingers crossed!" —Bennett Marcus
Photo: iStockphoto
“Fashion is fashion. You can either buy a $50 pair of pants or a $500 pair. They’d probably both be just as durable but there wouldn’t be fashion. There’d just be stuff.”
We almost felt so cheated there for a minute.
Where Ralph Buys Blouses [NYT]
Photo: Getty Images
"We got a call right before we came back to the States, saying, 'You're not going to believe this, but you're playing the "American Idol" finale,' and I was like, 'Really? Why?'" —OneRepublic's Ryan Tedder doesn't really know what he was doing at the American Idol finale either [MTV]
"British Vogue just asked me to write about writing as a woman, and I wrote back and said, 'I don't know what to tell you.' I don't think women are mysterious — they make a lot more sense than men do." —Andrew Sean Greer on his new novel, The Story of a Marriage [A.V. Club]
"There's a level of insanity to all of this. We're marching to hell in a handbasket, and they're saying, 'Well, read this book.' Really? A book written by people in the desert under extreme conditions of heat and lack of water?" —Lewis Black on Bible thumpers [A.V. Club]
"I painted him the way he looks. In fact, I kind of like the lines in his face. I looked at thousands of pictures of him, as I do with all movies. And you know, some pictures, he didn't look good, but others, he looked fantastic. So I didn't try to young him up at all." —Drew Struzan, poster artist for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, on painting Harrison Ford [LAT]
MEDIA
• The Times has allowed Frank Rich to accept a consulting gig at HBO, provided he never mention the network ever. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
• With all this talk about extinction lately — polar bears, the Lower East Side — it's comforting to know that those inside the New York Times don't think that the print edition of the broadsheet is going to be obsolete anytime soon. [Mixed Media/Portfolio]
• Former magazine publisher and famed Michael's regular Joe Armstrong lunches like it's his job. Which it basically is. [NYT]
FINANCE
• Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke is turning the faucet off. Signals show that there will be no more flooding the economy with cash for a while. [NYP]
• The head of Citigroup's flailing Falcon Strategies hedge fund, Reaz Islam, is leaving the company after working at the firm for nearly two decades. [Reuters]
• Meanwhile, Citigroup has quietly started asking private clients to accept a $250 million compensation package in return for dropping legal action against the company due to a troubled fund. [Independent]
REAL ESTATE
• Merrill Lynch is in talks to move its headquarters to one of the new buildings being built on the World Trade Center site. [DealBook/NYT]
• Tour various New York apartments — with Regis! [Live With Regis and Kelly via Curbed]
• The thirteen-story building at 583 Broadway, between Prince and Houston, is crammed full of lions heads, arches, cartouches, Corinthian columns, winged creatures … it's kind of scary actually. [NYS]
LAW
• Mayor Bloomberg is going to take the stand in a federal trial against gun-shop owners. The city's lawyers hope to prove that the defendant sold guns to out-of-state purchasers and that those guns ended up back in the city. [NYT]
• Ever since Ally McBeal, female lawyers have been portrayed as bitches. Let's call them Litigatrixes! [NYO]
• Legal secretaries are getting the ax. [WSJ]
Photo: Getty Images
"I get various absurd movie offers. A few days ago I got an offer to do Tetris. I'm like, 'What the fuck are you talking about? This is totally absurd.' They said, 'No, this would be a revolution in video-game movies.' I said, 'Yes it would be the revolution, but it would also be completely the end of my career.'"
Back in November, on our list of the Ten Video Games That Should Be Movies, we pitched Tetris as a Michel Gondry film starring Elijah Wood as a lovelorn Z-shaped piece — but we bet Boll could make it work too. Verne Troyer would play a square-shaped block, who gets brutalized — through the magic of CGI, of course — by a bunch of obnoxious, T-shaped monkeys. This would be the film that ends his career? If the failure of his previous ten movies hasn't hindered his ability to keep making them, we're pretty sure Tetris wouldn't make any difference. And we'd sort of like to see it.
Earlier: The Ten Video Games That Should Be Movies (and the Directors Who Should Make Them)
Uwe Boll Explains Why He's the Perfect Director to Make a Grand Theft Auto Movie
Jacobs as Warhol and Glenn O'BrienPhoto: Getty Images
Photo: iStockphoto
Thanks to a couple of little birdies, I'm here with my second post. Snaps for ITK and her gossipers? I think so. So to answer a question asked, it's official. Steven and Lucille are together, our very own Queen and King. Gone out? Of course. Hooked up? Most definitely. Gone all the way home? Only time will tell. Let's just say these two lovebugs aren't going to stop running when the ball is in the outfield, if you get my jist.
Right? It's like a writer from the show went back to high school like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed and was reporting from the inside! The Sun today says that word on the street says that the kid running it (no one knows his or her name) was expelled. But hey, kid, if you're out there and you still have your Internet privileges, take heart. You've surely got a job waiting for you out in Burbank.
In The Know [Google cache]
Tears, Glee Greet a 'Gossip Girl' Copycat [NYS]
Or do they — like other world-conquerors with busy schedules — have body doubles who take care of their less important public appearances? Perhaps while these ersatz Jonases were onstage for American Idol, the real Jonases were in a meeting with the Pope, or mastering trans-dimensional multi-space.
Also, since when is John Hodgman of "I'm a PC" fame their guitarist? And why is he smirking?
Earlier: Know Your Jonas Brothers Overlords
Disney Unleashes the Jonas Brothers Upon a Terrified Populace
Graziano de BoniPhoto: Getty Images
Prada Raids Valentino: Graziano de Boni Named As Head of U.S. Division [WWD]
Related: Prada Soho: Like Outward Bound for the Fashion Set
Courtesy of Cannes
Why don't these guys ever learn? Remember Richard Kelly's Southland Tales, Wong Kar Wai's 2046, Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny, and Edward Norton's Down in the Valley? DON'T TAKE AN UNFINISHED MOVIE TO CANNES!!!! Wait. Give the film the time you need.
Thompson isn't the only one to raise the specter of Southland Tales, which infamously bombed at Cannes and wasn't released for a year and a half, in a dramatically shorter (and mostly poorly received) version. (Vulture's review: "Like watching Howard the Duck with a high fever.") Spout's Karina Longworth suggests that the four-hour Cannes cut of Che will, "like the Cannes cut of Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales, never again see the light of day."
Like Southland Tales, too, Che has its partisans. IndieWIRE's Eugene Hernandez pronounces himself "among a small core of fans of the films," even as his site posts a mostly negative review by Glenn Kenny (which does point out that a number of sequences in the films are stunning, including a soon-to-be-legendary train derailment and battle scene in the first half). And Cinematical is the first to go against the prevailing wisdom, posting an out-and-out rave that praises Che for what other reviewers view as problematic: its refusal to embrace biopic tropes. (The film's current cut, apparently, defiantly fills in few blanks about Guevara's life and doesn't even show obviously cinematic moments like the taking of that iconic photograph.) "Bold, beautiful, bleak and brilliant," James Rocchi writes, "Che's not just the story of a revolutionary; in many ways, it's a revolution in and of itself."
Che [Variety]
Cannes: Che Meets Mixed Response [Thompson on Hollywood]
Cannes: Che Aftermath [SpoutBlog]
in cannes | "che" dinner [eugonline]
The Revolution By Night: Steven Soderbergh's "Che" [indieWIRE]
Cannes Review: Che [Cinematical]
Photo: WireImage
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