Photo illustration: Getty Images, Courtesy of New Line

It's really the chin that makes it, huh?Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty
Images, Hulton Archive/Getty Images

• Tom Cruise will appear on Oprah Winfrey's show who for the first time since his couch-jumping insanity the last time he was on the daytime talk program. The twitchy Scientologist will be on the show twice, once May 2nd from home and then May 5th in Oprah's usual studio. The visit coincides with the 25th anniversary of his movie Risky Business. [AP]
• After going on Oprah, Cruise will smother Katie Holmes by following her to New York for six months. Or they were never going to get separated in the first place and the tabloids are looking for a storyline that prevents Cruise's presence from proving them wrong. Either way. [OK!]
• Birthday party for Cruise and Holmes' two-year-old: $100,000. Flowers alone cost $17,000. Plus the stress tests and thetan cleansing were probably also in the five-figure range. [LA Rag Mag]
• Donald Trump "was big on the idea" of having OJ Simpson on his Celebrity Apprentice show "for a few minutes" until NBC executives nixed the idea. That's kind of the opposite of what happened to Norm MacDonald, if I recall correctly. [P6]
• Police incorrectly answered a question from Uma Thurman's stalker about whether he was allowed to have a lawyer present, so now they have to throw out his confession. Wait, you can "confess" to stalking? Well, why not. [P6]
• The solution to Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson's many emotional problems? A child, of course. Owen's idea. [Star]
• Cynthia Nixon is getting married to her partner. [JJ's Dirt]
• Someone invited Jerry Springer to give the commencement address at Northwestern's law school, so of course the students are up in arms. But is the best response they can come up with really just to shout "You suck?" [P6]
• Laugh all you want at Amy Winehouse, she's worth $20 million, according to the Sunday Times. [Showbiz Spy]

With competitive threats looming from The Wall Street Journal, which like The Post is owned by News Corp., sources said the business desk and national desk will be spared and will absorb only token cuts.

The Metro desk, headed by Joe Sexton, is headed toward a major reorganization and could absorb the brunt of the involuntary axings.

[Post]

A key line in the ad calls out Crawford's supposed trademark gym outfit of gray t-shirt and green cap. Obviously the ad also got the age about right. Plus there's the line "I'm a fairly recognizable actor."

Here:

But even our Crawford-adoring gay Equinox spy can't believe it's real, speculating that the post is the work of an overexcited gym-mate of the star:

[Craigslist]

"I was just with a stylist who said she has dressed a couple of celebrities in my pieces," Conrad said.

Examples? None are given, or pictured with the piece.

But, hey, there is a photo caption with this quote:

"She did a great job!" proud pal Audrina Patridge tells Us of Conrad's March runway show.

[Bryanboy]

[Variety, Hulu]

Lauren Conrad's Reality Check!

Single Stars: Fame, but Not So Much Game

Kim Kardashian's Reality Includes a Movie Role

Hilary Duff: Stay Gold

Wesley Snipes to serve 3 years in prison for tax convictions

Gucci Gets the Face of a Great Danes

UC Grateful Dead People

Romijn Down and Out at Ugly Betty?

Wesley Snipes gets 3 years in tax case

Actor, TV judges put in good word for Snipes

McCain Still Fighting Against Anti-Obama Ad in North Carolina, Still Losing (or Not?)

Above is a clip of John McCain speaking to a crowd in New Orleans, addressing the issue of a GOP television commercial set to run in North Carolina next week. The ad includes controversial footage of Barack Obama's pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, saying "Not God Bless America, God Damn America!" and serves as an attack against the two North Carolina Democratic candidates for governor, who both support Obama. Obviously, it serves the dual purpose of also wounding Obama himself as he tries to campaign there against Hillary Clinton. McCain has said before that he doesn’t think it's fair to try to tar Obama with the words of his pastor. We assumed that eventually, if McCain faced the Illinois senator in the general election, Republicans would hone in on this obvious weakness, and we wondered how McCain would handle it. We just didn't expect it to happen so soon, and already McCain is having to walk a narrow line. "All I can do is publicly state that that is not in keeping with the tradition of the party of Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and Ronald Reagan," he says in the above clip. "And I will bring every pressure to bear that I can to stop it."

So, wait, is "every pressure" that he can use limited to "publicly stating" that it's out of line? Because that doesn't seem like much pressure at all. (To be fair, he did also write a letter.) As Greg Sargent points out, Democrats are pushing McCain hard on this to quash the video so that they can set a precedent early. If McCain can't stop a video like this from airing (and so far, according to North Carolina GOP officials, he can't), he isn't that effective as a leader of the Republican flock. Earlier today a McCain staffer told Time that the ad would no longer run, but according to local officials, it's still scheduled. Does that make him look weak? Maybe. But the upside of this whole thing for McCain is that it gives him repeated opportunities to talk about how much he wants to run a good, no-smear campaign, and that he's above that kind of politics. In the context of other, more underhanded GOPers, he's just a nice guy, see?

McCain Says He'll Bring "Every Pressure To Bear" To Stop Obama/Wright Ad -- But It's Still Set To Run [Talking Points Memo]
Earlier: Huckabee Joins McCain in Supporting Obama’s Wright Defense

Images of Alexander Wang's Uniqlo Line Are Out!

Alexander Wang for Uniqlo.Photo: Courtesy of Uniqlo

• Claire Danes will replace Drew Barrymore as the face of the Gucci fine-jewelry campaign. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Here are a bunch of pictures of outfits from the Sex and the City movie. The girls look more overdressed than models at a Galliano couture show — and that is a tough thing to do. [Team Sugar]

• Meet plus-size British beauty-pageant contestant Chloe Marshall. She hopes to grow up to be a professional waxer. [Jezebel]

• And for those of you who care, Lauren Conrad is the new spokesperson for College Tonight, a social-networking site for college students. We hope she takes her new endeavor oh-so-seriously. [Business Wire]

Someone Actually Paid $175K for That Dirty Sox Jersey

Photo: AP

Wait, his kids would kill him if he didn’t pay $175,000 for a shirt? Dude needs to do himself a favor and buy some new kids while he's at it. Before he becomes one of those vacant-eyed dads on My Super Sweet Sixteen, staring helplessly as his kid pitches a fit because he wouldn’t rent him a diamond-encrusted climbing wall for his birthday party. That never turns out well for anyone. —Noelle Hancock

Red Sox Ortiz Jersey Buried In New Yankee Stadium Sells For $175,000 [HuffPo]

Video Look Book: The Housing Works Wardrobe

Santogold Lowers Her Standards for You

Photo: Getty Images

2. Usher feat. Beyoncé and Lil Wayne, "Love in This Club (Part 2)"
Usher remixes his hit about making love right in a club and fails to make it sound any more sanitary. [Ali's Blog via Idolator]

3. Radiohead, "House of Cards" (live on Conan)
In honor of Earth Day this week, Radiohead avoided a carbon-expending plane trip and played Late Night With Conan O'Brien via satellite from England, impressively proving that it's possible to be benevolent and lazy at the same. [Culture Bully]

4. Grizzly Bear, "While You Wait for the Others" (live on Conan)
Luckily Grizzly Bear live in New York and were able to make it to the Conan set without destroying the environment. [Music Slut]

5. Vampire Weekend, "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" (live on Jimmy Kimmel)
For their Kimmel appearance, VW not only flew to California but also bussed in an entire high-school drum line, tempting an environmental apocalypse. [Stereogum]

Clip-on Bangs Scare Us

Real hair is always better than fake hair.Photo: Getty Images

I'm beginning to suspect that they are just impossible to put on properly. First it is very hard to clip it onto your hair, because it needs to grasp onto some hair first (difficult to explain properly, but the point is, its hard!). Then, when you DO get it clipped on, it is NOT STRAIGHT. And you cannot have straight bangs that are not straight. If you DO manage to get it half straight and your real bangs are not falling out at this point, you face the problem of color. Apparently, there are many shades of black. I thought that my hair would be fine, since I already dye it an artificial blue black and the clip on bangs were an artificial black as well.

Thank God they're not functional. There's a higher power at work here.

Clip-on Bangs [I Am Fashion]

TV Stars Leap to the Silver Screen

Paris Hilton

How George W. Bush Became Hollywood's Eccentric Uncle

Photo illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images, Courtesy of New Line Cinema

The two places that George W. Bush is showing up in pop culture this spring — besides, of course, taped appearances on game shows — confirm that the culture no longer views him as relevant to the discussion. The Times' Dennis Lim refers to Bush's depiction in this week's stoner comedy Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantánamo Bay as "arguably the most sympathetic movie portrayal of him to date" — but apparently he hasn't read the widely leaked early draft of the screenplay to Oliver Stone's biopic. Both portrayals mostly bypass direct criticism of the president, substituting bemusement and — dare we say it? — affection. He's not a bad guy, just an amiable buffoon — a figure to poke fun at, like an eccentric uncle, but not to revile.

It's admirable, in a way, that at his lowest point — with his popularity in the cellar and his political influence in the toilet — pop culture is willing to cut George W. Bush some slack. It's also disheartening that the leader of the free world is so unimportant that even self-righteous Hollywood blowhards can't be bothered to get angry at him.

In Harold & Kumar, the titular heroes — on the run from a rabid Homeland Security official played by Rob Corddry — parachute into Bush's Crawford, Texas, office, only to be secreted away by the president in his guesthouse. There — surrounded by bikini posters, dartboards, and a sweet jukebox — the prez smokes up with our heroes and laughs about the ordeal they've been through. The movie portrays Bush as a genial fuckup — "Shit, it's Cheney!" he says. "That guy scares the crap out of me" — who defends his own policies with a shrug and a wink. And it's Bush who delivers the closest H&K comes to a political message: "You don't need to believe in your government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country."

Bush is the deus ex machina of Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantánamo Bay; with one sweep of his presidential hand, he makes problems disappear. Why does he help these two stoners? Because when Kumar relates how his father is pressuring him into med school, Bush gazes reverentially at him, then intones, "You just blew my fuckin' mind." Soon Bush is on the phone with his own father: "I don't need your friends to tell me what to do anymore! I can take care of things on my own!" The scene ends with a cathartic "Fuck you!" delivered from president to ex-president.

Like Harold & Kumar, the script to Oliver Stone's upcoming Bush biopic, written by Stanley Weiser, views the difficult Poppy-W relationship as the key to the president's troubled soul. The W script offers a petulant Bush in 1988, just after his father's victory over Dukakis, complaining to Laura, "I wish he'd lost" — after all, Bush glumly notes, "No matter what I do, it's never going to be good enough." Later, W. attacks Iraq explicitly to finish the job his father started in 1991, and for even more personal reasons: Saddam "went after my father, tried to bomb his car back in '93, in Kuwait," Bush says. "You don't go after the Bushes and get to talk about it. Ya got me?"

Throughout the script, Bush is presented as a boy yearning for his father's respect. This vision of Bush as wayward man-child, desperately trying to impress his father and figure things out on his own, isn't new: It's a staple of Maureen Dowd columns and the linchpin of Jacob Weisberg's recent Bush biography. What's new is that in H&K and in Stone's script, Bush's psychodrama is portrayed sympathetically, rather than scornfully.

It remains to be seen how much Stone's final product, starring Josh Brolin as Bush, will resemble this early screenplay, but in this draft, Bush is viewed just as Harold and Kumar see him: an ordinary fuckup who somehow got saddled with the toughest job on earth. In the end, this vision of Bush is comforting, if only because it contributes to the illusion that the guy at the top does, after all, share our sensibilities. Maybe all that's gone wrong with his presidency isn't truly his fault — it's the fault of the jerks and dumbasses he has working for him. (In an already-infamous H&K scene, Rob Corddry's Homeland Security chief wipes his butt with the Bill of Rights.) We can't help but think that the real George W. Bush can't be all that upset by this version of him, given the alternatives. We can imagine the president who has long taken advantage of those who misunderestimate him watching Harold & Kumar, laughing heartily — and giving a satisfied nod.

Related: Five Hilarious Moments From W. [NYM]

Three Ninja Burglars Brought to Justice

What we imagine an Albanian robbery clan to look like.Photo: iStockphoto

The ninjas mostly operated through nonviolent means (no throwing stars here), though they did whack one of their victims with nunchackus before he fought back and wounded his assailant with a steak knife. Over the last year, the fabled ninja burglar had taken on cult status in S.I. and has his own Wikipedia page. Sources tell the Post that all three men are being deported to Albania, bringing an end to the most entertaining crime spree New York has seen in awhile. Of course, we don’t mean to make light of the situation. Armed robbery is no laughing matter. Now if they’d been dressed up as Ninja Turtles, that would’ve been funny. —Noelle Hancock

S.I. ‘Ninja Burglar’ Busted – And Turns Out To Be Trio [NYP]

Agyness Deyn Takes Over ‘i-D’ Magazine

She is the model of the moment, has bagged the London Fashion week cover of Grazia, appeared in the papers more often than a popstar, presented at top award shows, appeared on prime time UK chat show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and scooped the cover of Time, whilst the brilliant website Perez Hilton describes her as "ferocious, diva, fierce" and "YUM!" All for a 25-year-old former chip shop worker from Rawtenstall in Manchester.

Um, yeah, aside from "brilliant" Perez's adoration, she's the face of Burberry and walks miles of runway every season for what seems like every major designer in the world. You might be wondering how an issue devoted to one model can sustain itself. But this does so rather well. Here's why:

1. If you look up "versatility" in the dictionary, you'll see Aggy's face.
Photo spreads include shots of Aggy dressed as a man (happy trail included), Aggy with no makeup, Aggy with paint all over her face, Aggy with Vivienne Westwood, Aggy topless with various nipple rings, Aggy doing high fashion, Aggy doing glamour girl in red-carpet fashion, and Aggy completely naked. Yes, full frontal.

2. She's quirky, and not in a fake way.
The girl wrote a letter to Buckingham Palace asking to interview the queen, and Buckingham Palace wrote her back. i-D printed both letters. She also styled a shoot with a suitcase of her own clothes that included yellow-plaid pants up to her boobs that, naturally, looked well on her. She also has a shirt that says, "We are all prostitutes."

3. She's capable of interviewing Vivienne Westwood.
She touched on global warming, the value of being a role model, conveying messages through clothes, and literature.

4. She's not a models/bottles kind of girl.
Her favorite New York hangouts include Don Hills, Fat Cats, Annex, the Dark Room, and Dempsey's Irish Bar.

5. Her hair, Goddamn it!
A photo spread and Q&A with Aggy are devoted to her hair. She's been chopping it off for years and likes it with dark roots showing. She calls it "tobacco-stained."

6. All the glorious photos.
Enjoy a taste…

Left, Aggy in candy-inspired colors. Right, there's that happy trail we were talking about.Photo: i-D

She's gorgeous with zero makeup on the left, and, on the right, she's high-fashioned out. Photo: i-D

Yes, she's totally nude with a bunch of white balloons. And, yes, she's treating Vivienne Westwood like a mantle.Photo: i-D

A European fashion magazine just wouldn't be a European fashion magazine without a breast shot. And Agyness Deyn just wouldn't be Agyness Deyn without faux rockets coming out of hers.Photo: i-D

Five Hilarious Moments From ‘W’

Related: George W. Bush: The Lame Duck of Hollywood

Artist Victoria Sambunaris Looks Through the Desert in a Photograph With No Name

Victoria Sambunaris’s Untitled, (Carlin, Nevada) 2007Courtesy of Yancey Richardson Gallery

Manhattan Mall: Ghost Town?

Downtown Brooklyn: It'll be great to have that pedestrian tunnel connecting the R/M and the A/C/F subway lines, but the construction's sure making a mess of Willoughby Street. [McBrooklyn]
Fresh Meadows: Is new "architecture" like this sapping the Queens burg of its reputation for being quaint, historic, and countrylike? [Queens Crap]
Herald Square: "The Manhattan Mall at Herald Square is a ghost town. Entire swaths of stores have been blacked out by darkened glass. Eerie, cold breezes blow through their crevices." Jeremiah Moss, you have to guest-blog for Curbed more often. You're so … lyrical! [Curbed]

Jackson Heights: Taking its cue from big chains like Sam's Club and Costco, at least one grocer here is limiting rice purchases owing to a global shortage of the grain. [Metro NY]
Roosevelt Island: That was no beaver stumbling around the island! It was a sick groundhog. And we are sad to report that it died. [Roosevelt Islander]
Upper East Side: It is totally awful that some moron protesting Laura and Jenna Bush's appearance at the 92nd Street Y assaulted a wheelchair-bound teen girl with cerebral palsy there. Even the fact that the girl was a big fan of the Bushes doesn't justify it. [NYP]
West Village: Ten years after refurbishing the historic Provincetown Playhouse on Macdougal Street, where a young Eugene O'Neill's plays were produced, owner NYU will demolish it and build adjunct space for its law school, plus a new theater. [Villager]

Marc Jacobs, Tom Ford, and Christina Aguilera Win Top Fragrance Awards

Coochy coochy coo — okay, we'll stop.Photo: DavidBabaii.com

• Bobbi Brown will soon release Almost Bare, a slightly floral, light, clean, and fresh fragrance. But if you just can't wait to spend your money, you can preorder it at Neiman Marcus online. [Now Smell This]

HAIR
• Remember when we told you Kate Hudson was promoting David Babaii hair products for Wild Aid? Well, the pics are out! And, we hate to say it, but the way she snuggles lion cubs is disgustingly cute. [Sugar Shock Beauty]

MAKEUP
• Gucci Westman signed on to be Revlon’s new global artistic director. She came from Lancôme, so she could make major product upgrades at the Rev. Fingers crossed. [WWD]

SKIN
• Sales of anti-redness products, like those that treat rosacea, have increased 35 percent (that's $300 million) from 2002 to 2007. [NYT]

• Avon scooped up Miley Cyrus (actually, her alter ego, Hannah Montana, but who can keep all these names straight?) to market a bath-and-body collection to tweens. That means pictures of Hannah’s smiling face splattered with pink and purple. And, of course, butterflies and flowers. [Product Girl]

NAILS
• The neon collection from Essie is full of bright colors and cheesy names. Shorty Pants is neon yellow, Short Shorts is bubblegum pink, and there are two other colors with "shorts" in the names. Because nail polish always makes one think of…shorts. [Fashion Week Daily]

Filmmaker Nina Paley Urges a Moratorium on Baby-Making

Jenna Bush Not Necessarily Voting for McCain (Gasp!)

Photo: Getty Images

KING: Do you have a favorite between the two, the two Democrats?

LAURA BUSH: My favorite is the Republican.

KING (pointing to Jenna): Yours too, I would imagine.

JENNA BUSH: I don't know.

KING: A-ha! Are you open to…

JENNA BUSH: Yeah, of course. I mean, who isn't open to learning about the candidates and I'm sure that everybody's like that.

So she's actually open to listening to all of the candidates? Well, this is a refreshing change from the giggly First Twins who once proclaimed to the world that they were “not very political.” Good for you, Jenna, for not only having your own opinion, but having the stones to admit it on national television during a crucial time in the presidential race. However, you might want to wait till Dad’s done paid for that wedding before you go running your mouth, little lady!

Jenna: I May Not Support McCain [Yeas and Nays]

‘Iron Man’: A Dissenting View on Robert Downey Jr.

Courtesy of Paramount

Is This the Sexiest Woman in the World?

Boyfriend Jackets Signify Girl Power

From left: Lanvin, Diane Von Furstenberg, and Bill Blass.Photo: imaxtree

Designer Peter Som says he was thinking of Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama — "women who are at the forefront of change" — when he designed his fall collection of tuxedo-like pantsuits for the Bill Blass label. "For so long, it's been all about the baby-doll look, the infantilizing of women," he says. "But now there's a sense of empowerment that is trickling down to fashion and how women want to be perceived."

Diane Von Furstenberg, who showed belted, oversize jackets on her fall runway, suggests that women may be subconsciously seeking "a little more authority" as they watch powerful women take the stage in politics.

So women are trading fitted jackets for roomy jackets, and men are trading roomy jeans for fitted jeans. In terms of comfort, the role-reversal thing is certainly working in the ladies' favor. Enjoy those man girdles, gentlemen.

The Boyfriend Jacket Comes on Strong [WSJ]
Related: Man Girdles Are All the Rage

Sebastien Tellier

Taxi TV: Turn It Up or Turn It Off?

Photo: Getty Images

If you don't recognize the above phrases, you haven't taken a taxi in New York in the last three months. They're part of the relentless, repetitive blitz that is Taxi TV. The minute you get in a cab, it begins. Slightly too loud, overpromotional, and really kind of too food-oriented, Taxi TV is something that all New Yorkers are learning to deal with. Lately we've been coming to realize that Bloomberg's big new transit addition has divided New Yorkers into two camps. People either turn off Taxi TV immediately upon cab entry, or they sit idly by and watch it, mesmerized and slightly brain-dead, the way they watch reality TV. We fall into the latter category, which is why we feel like we know Sara Gore (who is that chick? And what channel is she even on? And why can't she stop swaying?) and Sade Baderinwa.

We spend time worrying about who the unidentifiable people are in the "4 New York" ads and whether Jillian Michaels looks uncomfortable in her scripted teasers. Why is Al Roker always yelling? And is the cannolli really that good at that place in Staten Island? Do French fries really belong in a sandwich? It can be very stressful. Which is why, dear readers, we want to hear what you think. Do you fall into the category of people who switch off Taxi TV the moment you get into the cab? Or do you feel like you know Katie Couric just that much better because of it? Please tell us in the comments. Because, seriously, Taxi TV does not respond when we start yelling questions at it. Or even, most of the time, when we start punching the mute button.

The Iron Men Who Might've Been

Photo illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images; Courtesy of Paramount

Nicolas Cage (1997)
Backstory: After Fox rescued the film from years of development hell at Universal, Cage eventually backed out of the project because of a previous commitment to play Superman in the ultimately doomed Superman Lives. Oops.
Stark value: If Cage's intense portrayal of an arms dealer in Lord of War is any indication, his Stark would have been a far more morose SOB. And the less said about Ghost Rider the better.
Total Starkness:

Tom Cruise (1998)
Backstory: After Cage exited, Cruise threw his iron helmet into the ring but was waylaid by Marvel's bankruptcy/financial issues. He flirted with the role before finally nixing it in 2005, explaining, "It just didn't feel to me like it was going to work."
Stark value: Cruise must be kicking himself now; in short order Robert Downey Jr. might be a bigger star. His cocky intensity might have made him a nice fit in the iron suit.
Total Starkness:

Leonardo DiCaprio (2003)
Backstory: Although the Departed star was never approached (as far as we know), producer Avi Arad claimed DiCaprio was at the top of his short list of candidates.
Stark value: Given that he scored an Oscar nom for portraying another eccentric, yet dashing, billionaire in The Aviator, we think he could have played a great Tony Stark. Bonus: past experience with playing men in Iron Masks.
Total Starkness:

Justin Timberlake (2004)
Backstory: After Nick Cassavetes (The Notebook) was brought on to direct, rumors circulated that he was interested in casting his Alpha Dog star as Stark.
Stark value: Iron Boy, not Iron Man.
Total Starkness:

Rob Lowe (2004)
Backstory: Fanboy Websites reported the Brothers & Sisters star was being tossed around as a possible star among producers, a notion that was quickly dismissed.
Stark value: With his chiseled good looks and senatorial demeanor, Lowe has the billionaire playboy part down pat — but can you really see him kicking anyone's ass?
Total Starkness:

Playing Super-Devil's Advocate: Which Superhero Movie Will Suck?

Courtesy of Paramount, Universal, and Warner Bros.

Why Iron Man might suck:
We've been told over and over again how perfectly cast Robert Downey Jr. is, but what if his smug snappiness makes Tony Stark completely hateable? More than that, the character himself doesn't inspire a lot of sympathy; kidnapping-inspired turnabout aside, is America really ready to identify with a billionaire arms dealer, no matter how many little old ladies he saves? As for the film's presumed box-office triumph, no amount of marketing muscle can change the fact that even though Iron Man's a crucial character to comic-book aficionados, to the general public he has nowhere near the Q-meter rating of Spidey or Supes.
Odds it won't be super? 5:1.

Why The Incredible Hulk might suck:
Lou Ferrigno's appearance at Comic-Con aside, there's been plenty of behind-the-scenes drama this spring involving the big green guy. Star Edward Norton reportedly has been unhappy with the direction Marvel's taken the movie, and the initial trailer made the movie seem exciting but shallow and somewhat humorless. And if a legitimately great director like Ang Lee can't make the Hulk story into a good movie, what chance does Louis Leterrier (previous credits: The Transporter, The Transporter 2) have?
Odds it won't be super? Even money.

Why The Dark Knight might suck:
Christopher Nolan's last take on the Batman mythos was intelligent and crisp, but did Batman Begins' gloomy vision of Gotham really deliver the pop thrills you might hope for out of a superhero movie? The Dark Knight seems even, well, darker, and Heath Ledger's psychotic-seeming performance as the Joker — and the pall put over the entire project by Ledger's death — doesn't do much to make the movie seem like, y'know, fun. What if the entire thing is a self-serious slog?
Odds it won't be super? 2:1.

Why Hellboy 2 might suck:
We're a huge fan of Guillermo del Toro, but Hellboy creator Mike Mignola's comments last week that the new movie represents Del Toro's vision more than his own didn't inspire a huge amount of confidence. Neither did the trailer, which is so overstuffed with Pan's Labyrinthine creepy-crawlies that Hellboy's trademark wit gets lost in the shuffle. Most of all, this is the superhero movie we're most looking forward to this summer — which makes us all the more nervous that, in the tradition of past so-called sure things Hulk and Spider-Man 3, it'll be lousy.
Odds it won't be super? 3:1.

It's Official: Basketball Fans Hate Our Hometown Team

Photo: Getty Images

Ultimate Standings: Fan Satisfaction Rankings [ESPN]

The 15 Meanest Reality TV Villains

Hot days, cool nights, Prince and 'Dark Side'

Weezer's Publicist Begrudgingly Admits New Album Cover Is Not a Joke

Courtesy of Geffen

"I've written songs for so many years that it's basically become a bodily function. There's nothing glamorous about it whatsoever." —Rufus Wainwright [Variety]

"I know the two main questions I'm going to be asked in the next year are 'How much pot did you smoke?'' and ''What was it like to kiss Sean Penn?'" —James Franco on his upcoming roles in Pineapple Express and Milk [EW]

"I'm content with 90 percent of me. I like my teeth. Sometimes I wonder if my orthodontist realizes how important he was." —Carrie Underwood [People]

"I remember going to school after the weekend that movie came out and no one wanted to sit next to me at lunch. They completely believed my peanut butter and jelly sandwich certainly had to contain monkey brains." —Kal Penn on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom [LAT]

"There were some little things. Obviously we couldn't export some of Tim's features onto the monster because we had to make him look actually scary, and Tim is not that scary." —Louis Leterrier on Tim Roth's appearance in The Incredible Hulk [MTV]

Introducing Johannes Huebl, Olivia Palermo's New BF!

Photo: Patrick McMullan

Manny and the Socialites: Let’s Roll [NYT]
Picture Perfect [NYP]
Related: The Number One Girl [NYM]

Report: British Court Rejects Snoop Dogg Visa Ban

Is Anne Slowey Right About the Fate of Dresses?

Look! Anne Slowey's wearing a dress!Photo: Getty Images

Point: Anne Slowey, from the set of reality show Fashionista, in which she plays "herself…only meaner":

"The eye is looking for something new, and so is the psyche"

"The dress provides the beauty of so many options." A woman could wear, he said, "a sheath, or a dirndl shape, or a baby-doll or something close to the body or something that moved away from the body."

Point: Anne Slowey:

"The first hint of chill in the air, and the full-legged, pleated high- and low-waisted legions will be out in the urban jungle," said Ms. Slowey, already so adapted to her new television role that she speaks in thought bubbles.

Certainly it’s much more efficient. "Instead of spending days thinking about your wardrobe," she said, "you can concentrate on who you’re voting for for president."

Point: Anne Slowey (Seeing a pattern here?):

"Pants make it easier to cross your legs."

"I find that dresses are slimming, and they cover all the problem areas and highlight all the curves."

Point: Anne Slowey:

"The expiration date for the dress…is end of August."

“It’s my anti-mommy-blob outfit,” [she] said... looking lean and sleek in a Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress. “I feel glamorous in a dress, and it’s easy.”

Point: Anne Slowey:

[Women will become] "a little more hard-core, a little more androgynous, a little more butch."

"[The dress is] very easy and very flattering — a no-brainer, really. It’s comfortable, and you can easily go from day to night. And guys like it because it’s so feminine."

Long Live the Dress (for Now) [NYT]

Stuntman Seriously Injured After 2nd Accident on Bond Set

The ‘Sex and the City’ Movie: Fashion Orgasm?

Our face looks like André's right now.Photo illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty
Images, New Line Cinema

The film also got the all-important nod from Vogue. Having shot at the fashion bible's offices during the series, "Sex" now holds the distinction of being the only feature film to do so. "The movie got (editor) Anna Wintour's blessing," says André Leon Talley, Vogue's editor at large. Talley plays himself styling Carrie as she's photographed modeling wedding dresses for the magazine. "It's a fabulous scene — all about what a chic New York woman should wear for her wedding," Talley says. "It's all very Vogue and of course, Carrie Bradshaw is the ideal Vogue woman."

It all sounds so lovely! But there's a dark side: Variety also notes that the New York Manolo Blahnik store has been inundated with tourists who are asking to try on the shoes that Sarah Jessica Parker wore on the show and having their pictures taken with the stilettos. Is nothing sacred?

Gotham's fashion elite dress up for 'Sex' [Variety]

Zuckerman, Sulzberger, and the News Corp. Board Weigh In on Murdoch's ‘Newsday’ Bid

MEDIA
• Mort Zuckerman is restructuring his bid for Newsday to account for the Tribune Company's potential tax burden after sale. [Newsday]
• Meanwhile, News Corp. shareholders are concerned about the way that Rupert Murdoch is spending: "The bottom line is that News Corp. has not communicated a clear long-term strategy for the newspaper business." [NYT]
• And the New York Times Company's Arthur Sulzberger Jr. thinks newsday.com is nytimes.com's biggest rival. [NYO]

FINANCE
• How not to get fired on Wall Street? Lie low and cross your fingers. [WSJ]
• UBS investors took the bank to task, demanding that the firm cut back its investment bank and beef up its board. [WSJ]
• Last October, Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis said he'd "had all the fun I can stand in investment banking." But yesterday at the B of A shareholders meeting, he said the firm remains "committed to our investment banking." [NYP]

LAW
• Billable hours go up for lawyers as the subprime goes down. [DealBook/NYT]
• If you don't know by now to be careful what you say in e-mails, you deserve all the trouble you get. E-mails sent between bankers in the Clear Channel case show the banks scheming to get out of the buyout. [NYP]
• A Manhattan judge vacated an arbitration panel's $95,000 punitive damages award to a former Barclays Capital employee because the panel chose to ignore precedent. [Law.com]

REAL ESTATE
• Tudor City residents fight the development of seven massive towers on the East River, which will add 3,000 apartments, 1 million square feet of commercial space, and 69,000 square feet of retail to the area. [amNY]
• Yesterday the city ordered inspections of high-risk construction sites following Buildings Commissioner Patricia Lancaster resignation on Tuesday. [NYT]

Report: Snoop Dogg's UK visa ban rejected

L-R: Seb, Marina and Roger of the Austrian music group "iBand"

Members of iBand with their iPhones converted into music instruments

Save Your Skin, Figure...and the Earth

All-Black Italian ‘Vogue’ in the Works? Carla Bruni for Asda?

Jourdan Dunn: future cover girl?Photo: imaxtree

• Asda has dropped Coleen McLoughlin as the face of its campaign in hopes that Carla Bruni will model for the label. Seems unlikely, but we'd die from excitement if it happened. [Guardian]

• Christian Lacroix will design the interior of a residential tower in Dubai. He said, "The interiors will be based on paradox — contemporary and baroque, blending East and West, old and new, inspired by history and folklore." That's our Lacroix! [British Vogue]

• Barack Obama's campaign put three young men in Abercrombie & Fitch–logo T-shirts directly behind the senator during his concession speech for the Pennsylvania primary to bolster his youth appeal. The honchos at Abercrombie were delighted and offered to help Hilary Clinton do the same thing. [WWD]

• Socialite Muffie Potter Aston: "I'm a Demapublican.… I started out life as a Republican, then became a Republicrat, now I'm a Demapublican. I guess you could say I'm evolving." She really is amazing. [WWD]

• In case you haven't noticed those flats with the gold swirly plates on them on every other woman in this city, do know that Tory Burch's business is booming. [WWD]

• Hey, fellas, guess what? Wearing bright colors and mixing patterns is okay, as long as you don't look like you got dressed in the dark. So, you know, good luck. [NYT]

• The Grove is a shopping center in L.A. that's full of chain stores like the Gap, Arden B., and Banana Republic. Mike Albo says it's "creepy and fake, but at least it’s honest about it," which is why he loves shopping there while sipping Frappuccinos. [NYT]

• We were right about Olivia Palermo! She is dating male model Johannes Huebl. Embarrassingly, that excitement is kind of genuine. [NYP]

• Top Chef's model-host Padma Lakshmi has a new boyfriend, too. Damn spring lovebirds. [NYP]

• Gisele Bündchen was spotted in a car with Sylvester Stallone. Yeah, just the two of them. Awkward. [NYP]

Stuntman gravely hurt in Bond movie crash

Disappearing Act: Disney Star Resurfaces

Carly Kicked Off 'American Idol'

'Raven' star apologizes for disappearing

Paris Hilton really wants a new friend

FHM names world's sexiest woman

Paul McCartney will be playing a gig in Kiev this summer

Paris Needs a New Friend and 85,000 Apply