We came close once. Richard was on vacation and Wilson typed up what we thought was surely a family-friendly way of explaining the Santorum gag to unplugged newspaper readers. At about 7:00 p.m., we were all set to leave, when Post executive editor Steve Cuozzo—the Old Timiest of the Old Timey newsmen—came tearing out of his office, yowling, "Frothy discharge? Frothy discharge!?" Long story short: item killed.

What else do I miss about the Post? This lady right here. ::Sigh::

Marsters' favorite movie: Apocalypse Now; Sarah Michelle Gellar’s is South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. Emma (Anya) Caulfield’s is The Silence of the Lambs, and Seth (Oz) Green likes Raising Arizona. OMG! I freaking love Lambs! I could totally date her. Next, Seth hits on Amber Benson!

“'How about you?' he asks Benson, 'what do you like? Do you like movies? I like that dress. Wanna get out of here?'"

On-set hijinks? Hell yeah. "Green says he misses arriving at his trailer every morning to find that David Boreanaz had pooped in it. 'Left something in there for you, buddy,' Boreanaz would say." Then it gets sappy: "Whedon misses directing Gellar. Gellar misses the family, the cast and the crew. Being there when a crew member’s child won a karate contest, for instance."

Then it gets hot and fetishy! "[Michelle] Trachtenberg misses sneaking into Gellar’s trailer to pet her shoes."

I'm gonna pass out.

Eonline gossip Ted Casablanca brings us the tale of an aging Hollywood swordsman, his tween son, and the babe who bagged them both. "If this one’s true, Butch Spit-Spat should haul out a friggin’ movie about it—after all, isn’t that something he does rather well?"

"BSS, never one to be exactly primo to the ladies after bedding them, was nevertheless around one of them long enough to father a kid, now a teenager. And according to an outraged acquaintance of Blondie-Babe, a rising young twentysomething honey-haired actress, Blondie’s screwing Butch’s 15-year-old boy. Said amigo is trying to get B2 hauled into jail, much to the Spit-Spat boy’s great dissatisfaction, I’m sure."

Thoughts? [via Crazy Days and Nights]

If this is for real—and not would-be-fertilzer-bait—WTF? Aren't Obama's peachy-preachy young supporters the most cyber-savvy voting block in the history of everything? What are they doing trolling that scary-ass old site? Remember: There are no victims, only volunteers. [ craigslist]

"[T]he Voice is now FIFTH in terms of ad sales amongst the entire chain," the insider tells us. "We used to be first, and now we are FIFTH. Kansas City['s The Pitch] does better than the Voice in ad sales. The [New Times] has proven over and over and over that when they go into anything other than secondary markets, they fail because they apply their boneheaded editorial strategy to the big papers, ignoring what actually worked for those cities. That's why San Francisco was their biggest money loser, because they didn't seem to get that no one wanted their cookie cutter philosophy in such an individualist town."

"Scientists say that is very unlikely — though they have done some checking just to make sure." Okay, as long as they've done some checking. That was a close one! [NYT]